How Can I Move On?

Mj5StarChick · October 2010

Today was my uncles funeral and i miss him sooo much right now i just wish he was still here right now  He was in the Airforce i believe it was but he has been home for awhile now but just awhile ago they announced he had Cancer :( I was hoping he would have been able to bounce back from it but it just didn't work that way. He passed away October 25th, 2010(the day after my birthday) and idk what it was but that whole day i had this weird knot in my stomach like i almost couldn't walk and then i came home and found out he had passed earlier in the day   
They had the simple military funeral were they have the flag and they shoot to salute their soldier and i mean i cried like a baby allll day :( I want him back so much and now it reminds me back to when i was 7 and my father passed i didn't really understand now since my uncles death i really feel like i do now. I wrote a poem for him i spoke in front of everyone today trying to be strong because i was doing it for one person only and that was my uncle :D :D i will post it later if you want to hear it but i have this question. How do i get over this? I mean the 2nd important male in my life gone just like that  How do i go on now i mean I'm young and i just don't get it. Will i ever be able to go on after this  ?

suspicious mind · October 2010

that is how you honor him dear

anewfan · October 2010

I'm sorry to hear about your uncle..... :(

MJ_ForeverandAlways · October 2010

Mj5StarChick my heart & hugs go out to you in your time of mourning. Sweetheart I have no magic words to make it easier, only to say that it takes time. It is very heartbreaking to loose someone you love very much, but in time it does get easier. I lost my step-dad when I was 22, my mom when I was 44, and my father when I was 45. It took me a very long time to heal the emptiness in my heart and go on with my life. My baby sister who is 22 yrs younger than me was only 3 months old when her daddy died and 21 when she lost our mom. It has taken her a few years now to come to terms & peace with being without her parents. It's a little difficult right now as she has met the man of her dreams and they are talking marriage and neither of her parents will be there for her big day, or to see her children born and grow. But she also knows they are with her always and watching from above!

I'm not sure what your belief is concerning God, but he does help heal the pain and lessen it over time. I send my love & hugs to you sweetie and pray that this will get easier for you in time. If you ever need someone to talk to just send me a pm, I'll be here for you!!

Love & Blessing to All!
Keep the Faith :)
Michael....I LOVE You More!! ;)

SoldierofLOVE · October 2010

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, sweetheart. One of my favorite uncles passed away several years ago on Oct. 27th and I still miss him terribly. I was also very close to my father who passed when I was 28 and he died before my uncle did. I know how you are feeling having lost two of the most important men in your life but no one had the exact relationship you had with them. Honor that. The fact that you are even reaching out to others is a step in the right direction. You will heal. I promise you. Give yourself time.

Here's what's helped me and please don't hesitate to PM me if you need to talk.

One:
You Will Survive
You will get better.

No doubt about it.

The healing process has a beginning, a middle and an end.

Keep in mind, at the beginning, that there is an end. It's not that far off. You will heal.

Nature is on your side, and nature is a powerful ally.

Tell yourself, often, "I am alive. I will survive."

You are alive.

You will survive.

Two:
If You Need It, Get Help at Once
If you think you need help, don't hesitate. Get it at once.

This is not the time to "be brave" and attempt to "go it alone." In fact, it takes great courage to ask for help.

Three:
Acknowledge the Loss
You may struggle to both believe and disbelieve that this could have happened to you. It has happened. It is real. Recognize that a loss has taken place. You may wonder if you are strong enough to bear such a loss. You are strong enough. You are alive. You will survive.

there is nothing to be
done.

only accept it. . .

and hurt.

Four:
You Are Not Alone
Loss is a part of life, of being alive, of being human. Everyone experiences loss. Everyone. Your task is to make the journey from immediate loss to eventual gain as rapidly, smoothly and courageously as possible. Somehow, the camaraderie of mutual suffering eases the pain. You have comrades--almost six billion on this planet alone.

Five:
It's OK to Feel
It's OK to feel numb. Expect to be in shock for awhile. This emotional numbness may be frightening.
It's OK to feel fear. "Will I make it?" "Will I ever love again?" "Will I ever feel good about anything again?" These are familiar fears that follow a loss. It's OK to feel them, but, to the degree you can, don't believe them.
It's OK to feel nothing. There are times when you'll have no feelings of any kind. That's fine.
It's OK to feel anything. You may feel grief-stricken, angry, like a failure, exhausted, muddled, lost, beaten, indecisive, relieved, overwhelmed, inferior, melancholy, giddy, silly, loathful, full of self-hatred, envious, suicidal (feeling suicidal is OK; acting upon the feeling is not), disgusted, happy, outraged, in rage or anything else.
All feelings are part of the healing process.
Let yourself feel. Let yourself heal.

Six:
Be with the Pain

If you're hurting, admit it.
To feel pain after loss is

normal
natural
proof that you are alive
a sign that you are able to respond to life's experiences
Although you may be frightened by it, be with your pain. Feel it. Lean into it. You will not find it bottomless.

It is an important part of the healing process that you be with the pain, experience the desolation, feel the hurt.

Don't deny it or cover it or run away from it. Be with it. Hurt for a while.
See pain as not hurting, but as healing.

Seven:
You're Great!

You are a good, whole, worthwhile human being.

You are OK. You are more than OK, you're great.

Your self-esteem may have suffered a jolt. Your thoughts may reflect some guilt, worry, condemnation or self-deprecation. These thoughts are just symptoms of the stress you are going through.

There is no need to give negative thoughts about yourself the center of your attention.

Don't punish yourself with "if only's." ("If only I had [or hadn't] done this [or that], I wouldn't be in this emotional mess.") Disregard any thought that begins "If only"

You are much more than the emotional wound you are currently suffering. Don't lose sight of that.

Beneath the surface turmoil
you are good
you are whole
you are beautiful
just because you are.

There are 14 parts. See more here:

MJFAN7 · October 2010

When I was 8, my uncle passed away & he was like a second father to me. I understand what you're going through, even though I was just 8 I cried for days, I knew completely what had happened, even though it was hard to understand. All i knew, is that I would never be able to speak to my uncle again. It's hard, but eventually you will be able to move on because you'll realize he's in a better place now, and nothing can hurt him. My sympathy goes out to you... L.O.V.E.

Stranger In Chi-town · October 2010

Today was my uncles funeral and i miss him sooo much right now i just wish he was still here right now  He was in the Airforce i believe it was but he has been home for awhile now but just awhile ago they announced he had Cancer :( I was hoping he would have been able to bounce back from it but it just didn't work that way. He passed away October 25th, 2010(the day after my birthday) and idk what it was but that whole day i had this weird knot in my stomach like i almost couldn't walk and then i came home and found out he had passed earlier in the day   
They had the simple military funeral were they have the flag and they shoot to salute their soldier and i mean i cried like a baby allll day :( I want him back so much and now it reminds me back to when i was 7 and my father passed i didn't really understand now since my uncles death i really feel like i do now. I wrote a poem for him i spoke in front of everyone today trying to be strong because i was doing it for one person only and that was my uncle :D :D i will post it later if you want to hear it but i have this question. How do i get over this? I mean the 2nd important male in my life gone just like that  How do i go on now i mean I'm young and i just don't get it. Will i ever be able to go on after this  ?

I'm sorry to hear about your uncle. =[ Mine passed 2 years ago (a night before New Year's) and I was shell-shocked like everyone else (Mom, my aunts, my relatives). So I can relate. I think that you should reflect back and remember the good times and pace yourself, think of happy things. Hope you feel better.

How Can I Move On?

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