What a beautiful post.<br /><br />"We all know he's the biggest faker in the world"<br /><br />Do we really know that? Do I really know that?<br /><br />I know only one thing: that I love Michael. Faker or no faker, angel or demon, it's the same to me, because I love him no matter what. <br /><br />This is the only truth I know for sure.<br /><br />
<br />Silence. There are things I want to say but I can't. <br />There are thoughts I want to express but they are not positive.<br />In the end of it all, it isn't really about who was right ~~ and who was wrong, with their beliefs.<br />It is only about who got through this all...the storm after the peace...and the peace after the storm...multiplied over and over.<br />I look at Michael's autopsy photo online...and I think...shall I choose to challenge it's authenticity? Again? Like I did in my head with the gurney photo of him wrapped in white? Like I did with all the other photos, throughout the past two years?<br />Shall I continue to grasp at every possible chance of this all being one huge stage production? Really now? Everyone in court, all these weeks - are being played? Really now? All this time and money...all the creditable, reliable professional people...will one day simply have to walk away and laugh...when Michael comes back and says "surpriiiise"...??? Really now?<br />I ask myself again and again...WHAT ...WHAT is it you want? Do you REALLY want the truth? OR...do you want the truth AS YOU WANT IT TO BE?? Are you looking for redesigned truth? Molded truth? Sculpted in the path that you so desire the ending to be? If so - ANYTHING is a possibility. Anything in this vast universe. Not just in the MJ case.<br />My scales are now at equal levels. It used to be, that the hoax side was far dominant...but now - ''reality'' as my common sense is tugging at - and the desirable "reality" that I can choose to believe as long as I want...are both at equal levels. SOMETHING has to happen now - to tip the scales and set it off balance again. But for now, it's a 50-50 chance for either side to win in my head.<br />So I ask myself again...<br />WHAT...WHAT IS IT you REALLY WANT? The real truth? No matter how unsatisfying or undesireable it may be? OR...a truth that feels better...being the truth? Which one, 50th_State_Believer2? Which one? Are you strong enough? Are you mature enough? Are you living in the real world, or hanging on to a fantasy because there were too many unexplained answers in the past? Even in cold case files of past homicides in any society - there are tons of unanswered questions that investigators and police force cannot seem to find the missing pieces to. But it does not necessarily mean that the victim cannot be dead. <br />So where do you stand 50th_State_Believer2? Are you ready to accept the truth, plain, untouched, unbiased from your personal hopes and desires? <br /> <br />I fiddled with my guitar late last night...doing a quiet, slow, reflective rendition of "Human Nature"...sitting in the dark, dim lit room upstairs at home...everyone else fast asleep. Tears flowed. I know it's human nature to believe in what I want to believe in - not necessarily what I should believe in...silently as my fingers plucked the chords...I thought...Michael - for every tear, every sigh, every thought and every painful cringe in all of our hearts...for the past two years Michael, if you gathered every one of these from all around the world - it would build you a bridge all the way back to us...from heaven to earth...FOR SURE...<br />Why...Why...tell em that's it human nature...why..why.......~~~~ ......I like livin'this way....I like lovin this waaaay....<br />WHYyyyyyyy....oh Whyyyyyy....<br />
<br /> <br />I've never been to this thread...never even had the curiosity to venture in here until 5 minutes ago. I don't deal with negativity well...and given the name of the thread...I didn't see how anything positive would be found without muddling through heapfuls of negative. I'm not even sure why I clicked on it...could be boredom or my inability to sleep, but been there done that and still never came in here. <br /> <br />But here I am...and after clicking on the 22nd page (it took me to the first page initially)...I landed on the above post. I am so very glad that something...whatever it was...made me venture in to this thread 5 minutes ago. <br /> <br />I don't know you 50th_State...may never meet you, nor speak to you...but just know that I just FELT your whole soul with that post. I hope that somehow, someway, something makes Mike venture in here and land on the 22nd page as well.<br /> <br />Thank you...that was beautiful.<br /> <br />With L.O.V.E. always.
<br />Silence. There are things I want to say but I can't. <br />There are thoughts I want to express but they are not positive.<br />In the end of it all, it isn't really about who was right ~~ and who was wrong, with their beliefs.<br />It is only about who got through this all...the storm after the peace...and the peace after the storm...multiplied over and over.<br />I look at Michael's autopsy photo online...and I think...shall I choose to challenge it's authenticity? Again? Like I did in my head with the gurney photo of him wrapped in white? Like I did with all the other photos, throughout the past two years?<br />Shall I continue to grasp at every possible chance of this all being one huge stage production? Really now? Everyone in court, all these weeks - are being played? Really now? All this time and money...all the creditable, reliable professional people...will one day simply have to walk away and laugh...when Michael comes back and says "surpriiiise"...??? Really now?<br />I ask myself again and again...WHAT ...WHAT is it you want? Do you REALLY want the truth? OR...do you want the truth AS YOU WANT IT TO BE?? Are you looking for redesigned truth? Molded truth? Sculpted in the path that you so desire the ending to be? If so - ANYTHING is a possibility. Anything in this vast universe. Not just in the MJ case.<br />My scales are now at equal levels. It used to be, that the hoax side was far dominant...but now - ''reality'' as my common sense is tugging at - and the desirable "reality" that I can choose to believe as long as I want...are both at equal levels. SOMETHING has to happen now - to tip the scales and set it off balance again. But for now, it's a 50-50 chance for either side to win in my head.<br />So I ask myself again...<br />WHAT...WHAT IS IT you REALLY WANT? The real truth? No matter how unsatisfying or undesireable it may be? OR...a truth that feels better...being the truth? Which one, 50th_State_Believer2? Which one? Are you strong enough? Are you mature enough? Are you living in the real world, or hanging on to a fantasy because there were too many unexplained answers in the past? Even in cold case files of past homicides in any society - there are tons of unanswered questions that investigators and police force cannot seem to find the missing pieces to. But it does not necessarily mean that the victim cannot be dead. <br />So where do you stand 50th_State_Believer2? Are you ready to accept the truth, plain, untouched, unbiased from your personal hopes and desires? <br /> <br />I fiddled with my guitar late last night...doing a quiet, slow, reflective rendition of "Human Nature"...sitting in the dark, dim lit room upstairs at home...everyone else fast asleep. Tears flowed. I know it's human nature to believe in what I want to believe in - not necessarily what I should believe in...silently as my fingers plucked the chords...I thought...Michael - for every tear, every sigh, every thought and every painful cringe in all of our hearts...for the past two years Michael, if you gathered every one of these from all around the world - it would build you a bridge all the way back to us...from heaven to earth...FOR SURE...<br />Why...Why...tell em that's it human nature...why..why.......~~~~ ......I like livin'this way....I like lovin this waaaay....<br />WHYyyyyyyy....oh Whyyyyyy....<br />
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sW1RJI8Kb_Q<br /> <br />One of my favorites...Butterflies...<br />I found this fan made video of photo compilations ~ I loved the selective pics of many of his kneeling positions on stage...and the finger blown kisses.<br /> <br />To be the tips of your fingers...they were the lucky ones...always there to hear your whispers, to catch your unspoken words of passion...<br />Your hair that always swayed in whatever direction the shadow of your eyes fell upon ~ always full of deep introspection. <br />What anyone would have given, Michael ~ to be your shoulder to cry on...or the hand to support yours...<br />What anyone would have given, Michael ~ to be the Butterflies...Inside.....
<br />This made me sad. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<br /><br />That's so sad. I was like that guy fell on the ground on the 25th. It was a HUGE shock for me. And it was like hell for 1,5 months. Thank God that I started to find clues then.
/pull hair/ /scream/ /judge/<br /><br />I really need to know what's going on in this trial. Murray seems innocent...but they keep saying Michael is dead. I don't believe he is but where is this trial going? Is Murray going to let himself get convicted for the greater good? I think that it is a real trial, so how can there be actors testifying while under oath? I'm so, so confused and I hope tomorrow brings some kind of sign. confused/<br /><br />
The first video is the exact same that happened to us and many others, reaction was NO, IT's NOT POSSIBLE. My brain and heart still say the same, even though we listen family, read articles, sibblings' books, etc., watch trial, but still can't accept that Michael can be dead. I just can't, that's all. Whether I believe in hoax because my logic says so or because I want this be hoax, or it IS a hoax, whatever, to me it is a hoax, feels much better.<br /> <br />@Gina it must be very hard situation for you, hon, to live with one man and love another one. Or maybe you have Platonic love to MJ?
I found some scissors on the bathroom bench and started cutting my fringe and kept cutting and cutting.<br />Now I look like MO from the Three Stooges :'( :-\<br />I will be wearing a hat for the next month or so :-[
<br />I found some scissors on the bathroom bench and started cutting my fringe and kept cutting and cutting.<br />Now I look like MO from the Three Stooges :'( :-\<br />I will be wearing a hat for the next month or so :-[ <br />
<br /><br />oh been there done that . not good is it?<br />
<br />I found some scissors on the bathroom bench and started cutting my fringe and kept cutting and cutting.<br />Now I look like MO from the Three Stooges :'( :-\ <br />I will be wearing a hat for the next month or so :-[ <br />
<br /><br />oh been there done that . not good is it?<br /><br />
<br /><br />When it cannot get any worse after scissors, I add colour.<br />It helps. Really.<br /><br />You feel you don't belong and others feel you don't belong. <br />Complete harmony ...<br /><br /> afraid/ afraid/ afraid/ <br /><br />After that you are finally free to do whatever you like and always wanted. <br /> bearhug .
<br />I found some scissors on the bathroom bench and started cutting my fringe and kept cutting and cutting.<br />Now I look like MO from the Three Stooges :'( :-\<br />I will be wearing a hat for the next month or so :-[ <br />
<br /><br />oh been there done that . not good is it?<br /><br />
<br /><br /><br />I it cannot get worse afer scissors, I add colour.<br />It helps. Really.<br />You feel you don't belong and others feel you don't belong. <br />Complete harmony.<br />
<br /><br />I have rediscovered hair gell. :idea: The ruffled spikey look is better than the bowl cut. :oops:
Sometimes I cry so hard I can't breathe :'(<br /><br /><br />It's ......embarrassing....and I don't know why I do it. :-\<br /><br /><br /><br />Sometimes I can't even get through a sentimental movie, read a greeting card or even certain books.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />.....I like it here in forum...it makes me think....and I forget about the tears,<br /><br /><br />.....at least for a little while )
You are a great investigator Snoopy. Know that we appreciate you so much. I still cry over children's books like Charlotte's Web. And I'm in my 50's. So I guess that's a part of me that isn't about to change. Touching, sensative movies are another one. I always carry a lot of tissues in my handbag, but all my tears are not always from sadness. Some tears are from laughing so hard I cry also. bearhug
I came here because I was tired of the tears.<br />They stopped a very long time ago, because of my heart's gradual reassuring that I didn't have to cry-<br />Michael never left.<br /><br /><br />I didn't know why it kept saying that, but it did.<br />Perhaps I cried more because I tried to shut that feeling up and tell it it was just ridiculous, wishful thinking while living in a certain river in Egypt,<br />if you know what I mean.<br /><br />I spent a long time doing that, until I found out about the hoax.<br />I have to be honest, in the very beginning, I thought all of you were nuts. lolol/ Until I decided...<br />You're nuts but you're VERY intelligent nuts who are catching things that so many, for some reason, are not seeing --those 'sane' people just deciding to swallow whatever the media tells them, he's dead, proof's in front of them, they're not living in denial and that's it.<br /><br />Looking at them now, and looking at what I wrote a few days ago on a personal blog about how I feel about the Conrad Murray verdict (feeling ashamed of some downright vicious fans who are celebrating Murray's going to jail and pretty much wanting him dead cause it's "justice 4 Michael!!11 MURDERERRR!!" - or maybe just not understanding them 'cause I know he did not kill Michael at all, seeing the lovely lovely man is alive and well)...<br />Suddenly I feel like _we're_ the perfectly normal ones who are seeing straight.<br /><br /><br />There's a reason we're seeing all this.<br />To everyone on this thread who's feeling down, don't...<br />To have fear, to trust in things that don't make sense to you, is to turn your back on your own mind...<br />And to turn your back on your mind, by mind I mean your spirit which sees ALL that your eyes may not catch so quickly,<br />is to turn your back on Michael.<br /><br /><br />I spent the last near-decade of my life turning my back on everything that wasn't as true as Mike...<br />So I'm not about to start losing my faith in him now.<br /><br /><br /><br />Your words keep me strong. I hope mine helped at least some of you.
<br />You are a great investigator Snoopy. Know that we appreciate you so much. I still cry over children's books like Charlotte's Web. And I'm in my 50's. So I guess that's a part of me that isn't about to change. Touching, sensative movies are another one. I always carry a lot of tissues in my handbag, but all my tears are not always from sadness. Some tears are from laughing so hard I cry also. bearhug <br />
<br /><br />Thank you so much for the kinds words. They mean more than you can imagine. <br /><br /> "Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion!"- Dolly Parton<br /><br /> bearhug<br /><br />It's just nice to have a space where you can express your opinion and share ideas. It's funny....we pass people on the street all day everyday and rarely make a connection (at least where I am anyway), yet through the internet it feels like there are no walls, no barriers at all. You can just be you! ::P <br /><br />Thanks for listening, sometimes that's all we need
OMG!!!!!!...Did you even read the response to your post???!! <br /><br /> I JUST EXPLAINED ALL THAT TO YOU! <br /><br /> /scream/ <br /><br /> ::)<br /><br /> crash/ <br /><br /><br />:roll: <br /><br />okay, over it.......sorry folks.....moving on typing/<br /><br />
<br />OMG!!!!!!...Did you even read the post???!! <br /><br /> I JUST EXPLAINED ALL THAT TO YOU!<br /><br /> /scream/ <br /><br /> ::)<br /><br /> crash/ <br /><br /><br />:roll: <br /><br />okay, over it.......sorry folks.....moving on typing/<br />
<br /><br />Are you saying this to me? If you are, you can politely ask me to re-read your posts. I could miss it or didn't understand it.
OMG! what if Dave Dave really was Michael and MIchael really is alive and is really reading this forum and I said lots of crazy things here /scream/ /scream/ /scream/?!?!?!??!?!?!??
<br />OMG!!!!!!...Did you even read the post???!! <br /><br /> I JUST EXPLAINED ALL THAT TO YOU!<br /><br /> /scream/ <br /><br /> ::)<br /><br /> crash/ <br /><br /><br />:roll: <br /><br />okay, over it.......sorry folks.....moving on typing/<br />
<br /><br />Are you saying this to me? If you are, you can politely ask me to re-read your posts. I could miss it or didn't understand it. <br />
<br />[size=12pt]<br />This wasn't directed at you PureLove[/size] bearhug
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