i wanted to share what i told them

farhatmjjfarhatmjj Posts: 570
edited January 1970 in Messages to Michael
what i'm going to post here is not a letter for Michael, neither for the believers or MJ fans. i wrote this on June 25, 2010 for my family and "real life friends" and posted it on my facebook. after reading the whole letter i wrote, i thought i could show this to you guys on the forum as well. <!-- s:) -->:)<!-- s:) -->

a letter i had to write on the first anniversary of the "death" of a man i don't believe "died"

hello my dearest friends and family, here i am again with a "Michael note"! i know i've been annoying you all a LOT for A FRIGGING YEAR now!

many people ask me, or want to ask me, or have said on my face that i was never an MJ fan, why i have been this much of a fan now, after his "death" that just marked its first anniversary today? i have had a lot of bashing for believing he's alive this past year. when people don't even like me being a diehard fan of Michael Jackson that i am, how on earth do i expect them to respect my beliefs that he "might" be still alive??

yes, i was not this much of a fan ever.. that's because i didn't know the person Michael Jackson. i admired him, i loved his music. an unknown fact to many is probably Michael Jackson used to be my very first crush. am i still not allowed to mourn?? after June 25, 2009 i got to know the man i never knew. and i regret cause i took him for granted.

i honestly do not yet understand why some people are so annoyed by me for my MJ posts. those who get annoyed by my true love that i have for Michael are naturally, not Michael's fans. so you have to know it that you don't know him. he is such a person who is believed to have God's essence (don't bash me, they're not my words) in him, he touches MILLIONS of people's souls, their hearts, their lives.. and changes their lives forever. last one year i have come across a lot of people from around the world whose lives and their stories influenced by Michael touched me deeply. i just want some of you to know i'm not the only one going "insane".

i know, you are family and friends, you say these things or try to get me away from Michael for a good reason. because you care for me. you don't want me to end up in a padded cell in a mental hospital, but have you ever wondered this girl is already going through so much pain, my rude words or acts may make this girl feel like she was not supposed to be living in this cruel world???

have you ever wondered WHY your home pages are always full of MJ quotes, pictures, videos, status updates posted by this girl named farhat? have you ever tried talking to me? have you ever tried asking me few simple words like "are you ok?" have you ever given me a hug and said "please don't cry"? have you???

i bet you're annoyed again! you're thinking "this girl has gone nuts! who is Michael friggin' Jackson? what does HE have to do in HER life??? why is SHE SO sad??" my answer would be... "this man named Michael Jackson has touched my soul, ask him why he did it."

if you're still annoyed, you really have never appreciated the most wonderful person in the world... you can't respect other's feelings. you accept it or not, but this is not being "practical", this is "ignorance".

Michael to me, to us, his dedicated fans, is FAMILY. he doesn't know me personally, but he loves his fans and i AM one of them.

this past one year, has been the MOST grieving, frustrating, devastating year in my life so far, i have spent nights without sleep, i have been searching for answers to the tons of questions i have. at this moment, still, i believe he didn't die cause i have enough evidences for that. but you can't call me blind, i do think of the other possibility as well. but there are more evidences of him being alive than "dead". that's another topic now, i don't even want to start that today.

just think for one second, have you ever told to yourself when you were annoyed by me for being SO emotional, that "hey, everyone is not the same, this girl is different, she might be more emotional than me. that's fine."? you get annoyed by me cause i'm emotional, do you accept i too can sometimes get annoyed because you're so practical? you're a human, so am i, nothing more, nothing less. we're not supposed to be the same.

according to some people's belief, i never knew the person Michael in reality, i haven't even SEEN him ever, so i can not adore him like this.. haven't you ever loved your creator? haven't you ever loved your unborn child?? you didn't see them.

may be i shouldn't have written this letter today... cause i'm already hurting enough. i know i'm again going to face a lot of bashing for this, and this time it may be even harder. but please let me defend myself, this letter is NOT to bash anyone, quite the contrary. this is just a reply of the bashings i faced silently this past one year, which happens to be the most difficult year of my life so far emotionally, when i needed you people to heal me.. when i needed you to show you care.. and when, you were actually busy judging me.

i'd like to thank those who supported me, but this is a matter of sorrow there aren't many to welcome. still, there were some and hopefully they will be there.

i don't know what you're feeling after reading this, but i want you to know i love all of you. love is all we need, love is important.

farhat

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