Having doubts on an emotional weekend
PJ4MJ
Posts: 323
This is kinda long and I apologize, but I just had to talk to somebody...
It's been an emotional weekend for me, for a few different reasons. So watching the special features on the This Is It DVD for the first time this afternoon was probably not the best idea, but I've been reading the TIAI threads and thought I might find some more clues that were talked about.
Staging the Return and Memories of Michael gave me really conflicted feelings. Hearing all these people talk in the past about him, even Kenny, Travis, and Frank - people who really know him - I mean, it's really hard for my logical mind to believe that they were all doing it for show. I know they've contradicted themselves and slipped up since then, and so I tried seeing it from a hoax perspective. Some of what they said could have double meanings, but it's still hard to believe they could talk about him that convincingly if it were all a sham - even if they are doing it to help Michael.
In so many ways, these outtakes were more powerful than the actual movie. The finished film seemed "all business" - all about the show - and it's easier to say that it was all planned out that way. Then I see the outtakes with the MJAir plane finale, which never made it to the movie (for obvious reasons) and ask: If this was all orchestrated, why have all these people put all this effort into an effect that never even made it to the film? Why would Michael sit around in a room with these people for hours on end going over concepts that were never going to be? The only way I can explain it is that Michael was fully planning to go through with the concerts and the decision to disappear came suddenly. But how, then, does that jive with a long-planned, orchestrated hoax that involves numerology, intentional symbolism, specific dates, etc. etc.?
There's the candid moments with Michael, where he just seems like the great artistic genius putting together a hell of a stage show - not a movie as part of his planned hoax. But then there's the admission that old demos were used in parts of the film. Which parts, I wonder, because how would Michael be able to lip-sync so perfectly without knowing the plan?
See what I mean? These things are going back and forth like ping pong balls in my head.
I believed Michael died June 25, 2009, and it messed me up. I can't remember crying so hard over the loss of anybody since my mom died when I was 9. Then, I was so elated when I saw evidence he's still alive. The world seemed a brighter place again. Right now, it feels like I'm losing him all over again, with a repeat of all the crying. My faith usually doesn't get shaken so easily but, as I've said, I'm having an emotional weekend.
I don't know if I'm just hoping and looking for reasons to believe he's still alive because it breaks my heart to think otherwise. On the other hand, I can't explain why his death hit me so hard in the first place, so I gotta believe there's a reason. I gotta believe that my heart isn't lying and my head is just getting in the way. But this weekend, it's been really hard.
It's been an emotional weekend for me, for a few different reasons. So watching the special features on the This Is It DVD for the first time this afternoon was probably not the best idea, but I've been reading the TIAI threads and thought I might find some more clues that were talked about.
Staging the Return and Memories of Michael gave me really conflicted feelings. Hearing all these people talk in the past about him, even Kenny, Travis, and Frank - people who really know him - I mean, it's really hard for my logical mind to believe that they were all doing it for show. I know they've contradicted themselves and slipped up since then, and so I tried seeing it from a hoax perspective. Some of what they said could have double meanings, but it's still hard to believe they could talk about him that convincingly if it were all a sham - even if they are doing it to help Michael.
In so many ways, these outtakes were more powerful than the actual movie. The finished film seemed "all business" - all about the show - and it's easier to say that it was all planned out that way. Then I see the outtakes with the MJAir plane finale, which never made it to the movie (for obvious reasons) and ask: If this was all orchestrated, why have all these people put all this effort into an effect that never even made it to the film? Why would Michael sit around in a room with these people for hours on end going over concepts that were never going to be? The only way I can explain it is that Michael was fully planning to go through with the concerts and the decision to disappear came suddenly. But how, then, does that jive with a long-planned, orchestrated hoax that involves numerology, intentional symbolism, specific dates, etc. etc.?
There's the candid moments with Michael, where he just seems like the great artistic genius putting together a hell of a stage show - not a movie as part of his planned hoax. But then there's the admission that old demos were used in parts of the film. Which parts, I wonder, because how would Michael be able to lip-sync so perfectly without knowing the plan?
See what I mean? These things are going back and forth like ping pong balls in my head.
I believed Michael died June 25, 2009, and it messed me up. I can't remember crying so hard over the loss of anybody since my mom died when I was 9. Then, I was so elated when I saw evidence he's still alive. The world seemed a brighter place again. Right now, it feels like I'm losing him all over again, with a repeat of all the crying. My faith usually doesn't get shaken so easily but, as I've said, I'm having an emotional weekend.
I don't know if I'm just hoping and looking for reasons to believe he's still alive because it breaks my heart to think otherwise. On the other hand, I can't explain why his death hit me so hard in the first place, so I gotta believe there's a reason. I gotta believe that my heart isn't lying and my head is just getting in the way. But this weekend, it's been really hard.
Comments
What I meant was, the MJAir sequence was going to be the way Michael closed the show - climbing in, the door closing, and then showing the plane taking off. But in the movie, they froze him in a pose during Man in the Mirror and then put up the "King of Pop, Love lives forever" on the screen. That was obviously a more poignant way to close the film, in light of events. But maybe you're right...maybe that's just how I read it, and it's really not so clear-cut.
I hope you feel better soon, us believers are here for you.