I'm back and still in pain though also improved
GreenManMakeAChange
Posts: 369
I haven't been here in months, I definitely went through more ups and downs in my life since. I even stopped believing in the hoax cause of some brainwashing from someone, but I just have an open mind about whatever happens, and found myself joking about the hoax a few times recently to my mom when she brought him up, so I decided to come back here just to read.
Comments
If you don't mind my asking what was the biggest thing that made you think he was dead, and what was the thing that made you reconsider?
Everywhere we turn there are conflicting stories - what to believe, right? Just follow your heart and you'll find peace.
Blessings to you.
I remember your posts from before. You have a great way of writing.
Looking forward to reading more..........
Blessings Always
Thanks, you like my writing? Normally I'm just ranting and a little lazy with my grammar to care, but if you enjoyed it, that's good to hear <!-- s:) -->:)<!-- s:) -->
I was too numb to admit he was dead and many times he didn't feel like it though the minute I would make myself admit it, I would cry or start insulting cause of being angry he left us though it's not his fault and beating myself up for my selfish behaviour. I can't even say died or killed and I can't admit who Conrad is. Even the first time I heard him speak, I thought I would scream and cry immediately, I just started laughing with tears like I was watching Saturday Night Live and it was a joke, and this was way before discoveirng any hoax discussions happening. It's like a part of me was not satisfied with what I was hearing though it was in front of me, though I think it could have also been shock or trauma. Heck, I think sometimes maybe this board is a result of our post traumatic stress and culture shock of losing him, but I'm just going to hang around here and see what happens. And I do enjoy talking to you too and think we see things others can't.
At the moment, I am studying the stages of grief...the first stage DENIAL....now, for a long time I thought maybe these fans are stuck on the first stage and thats why they are here...
But, take into account, that I am not a fan. What brought me here???? I am not grieving.
It was the weiderness and inconsistencies surrounding the death, that led me here. In other words, I am not in denial.
I am someone who has thought something else is going on here. I believe he is still alive, but the world needs to think he is dead. Thats why so many things point to him being dead...otherwise, the whole point of this hoax would have been for nothing....Keep the faith. Regardless of what you believe, and what happens, please know that you are not alone..God bless
Maybe I'm not understanding you, but how are you not a fan if you are on this site? Is it just about the music and nothing else but the curiousity, or you just like the music and don't read much into the person? What do you believe and not believe about the speculations over the years? Not putting you down, just curious. I've been a huge MJ fan and collector for so many years, but though I'm also a collector of a few other artists I admire, I don't feel personal attachment to them like I have with MJ, and still am trying to understand why it's this way.
Anyways, I learned a lot about theories regarding death and the psychology behind it. I agree with the stages of death, but I also agree that these stages are not linear and can be fluid and interchangeable, and even the theorist that designed these stages has been critical of them not always being in that order. I definitely felt them at all levels changing every minute, cause I didn't know what to believe, and I have had lots of anger too, cause I'm an angry person generally.