First post from a long-time lurker. <3
jujubii
Posts: 92
Hello hello, you lovely people. 
!<br /><br /><br />I have finally gotten the courage to make my first post here!<br />I don't know why it took me so long, seeing as this forum family here and I think so much alike.<br /><br /><br />It was because of this forum, a long long time ago, that pieces of the puzzle of confusion and pain in my heart at the idea of Michael being dead finally started coming together,<br />and I finally started crying some tears of hopeful joy instead of sorrow and just total and complete confusion as to why nothing made sense since June 25th, 2009.<br /><br /><br />You know, that day, as soon as I heard the news immediately after Jermaine told us he was gone,<br />the first words out of my mouth were "It's a hoax!".<br />As if I knew.<br /><br /><br /><br />The feeling never left me since. I'd only feel pain when I tried to understand and convince myself that it all was in true, plain black and white: Michael had died and that's that.<br /><br />When I stopped attaching myself to that, to everything the media told me and showed me and shoved in my face...<br />The quiet, calm reassurance that things are NOT as they seem grew stronger.<br />That though I may never, ever see Michael again as we knew him -- due to his complex reasons for needing to get away for the sake of protecting his own life -- even though he may never find a way to come back...<br />I know he's still in his own healthy body, alive, and free.<br /><br /><br /><br />The knowledge strengthened more AFTER I heard the verdict the other day.<br />I was shaken for a while, but then I came here- and it all came back to me full force.<br />I still am not sure about a 'bam' day, though. How Michael can ever return as the same Michael Jackson he was, legally, safely and back in the warm embrace of his fans he's always had...<br />I have no idea and wish I could understand how a lot of you seem so sure.<br /><br />But I'm going to trust my heart in all it tells me,<br />and in all the truths it's showing me with every inconsistency in the ongoing story, every hint of a miracle in some strange disguise...<br />I'll believe.<br />Because the logics in my mind and in my common sense and in my eyes never tell me lies.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I have so many stories, so many thoughts I'd love to share, and I hope I get the chance to share them with all of you.
!<br /><br /><br />I have finally gotten the courage to make my first post here!<br />I don't know why it took me so long, seeing as this forum family here and I think so much alike.<br /><br /><br />It was because of this forum, a long long time ago, that pieces of the puzzle of confusion and pain in my heart at the idea of Michael being dead finally started coming together,<br />and I finally started crying some tears of hopeful joy instead of sorrow and just total and complete confusion as to why nothing made sense since June 25th, 2009.<br /><br /><br />You know, that day, as soon as I heard the news immediately after Jermaine told us he was gone,<br />the first words out of my mouth were "It's a hoax!".<br />As if I knew.<br /><br /><br /><br />The feeling never left me since. I'd only feel pain when I tried to understand and convince myself that it all was in true, plain black and white: Michael had died and that's that.<br /><br />When I stopped attaching myself to that, to everything the media told me and showed me and shoved in my face...<br />The quiet, calm reassurance that things are NOT as they seem grew stronger.<br />That though I may never, ever see Michael again as we knew him -- due to his complex reasons for needing to get away for the sake of protecting his own life -- even though he may never find a way to come back...<br />I know he's still in his own healthy body, alive, and free.<br /><br /><br /><br />The knowledge strengthened more AFTER I heard the verdict the other day.<br />I was shaken for a while, but then I came here- and it all came back to me full force.<br />I still am not sure about a 'bam' day, though. How Michael can ever return as the same Michael Jackson he was, legally, safely and back in the warm embrace of his fans he's always had...<br />I have no idea and wish I could understand how a lot of you seem so sure.<br /><br />But I'm going to trust my heart in all it tells me,<br />and in all the truths it's showing me with every inconsistency in the ongoing story, every hint of a miracle in some strange disguise...<br />I'll believe.<br />Because the logics in my mind and in my common sense and in my eyes never tell me lies.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I have so many stories, so many thoughts I'd love to share, and I hope I get the chance to share them with all of you.
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