When I think of Michael these days, it is not how I thought of him months ago. Perhaps it is because I had so much healing to go through, I prayed to God about the hurt that just seemed to consume me about Michael's dissappearance. I could not take it anymore, it was just to much. About 2 months ago, I attended a very big Christian conference, people from all around the world attended, it was the most awsome event I had ever had the priviledge of attending. During this conference there was alot of healing, so powerful that many people were healed of various afflictions. I remember God healed me of my sadness for Michael, he just took it out from my heart. It was so bad, that everytime I would watch any videos about Neverland I would feel a overwhelming depression setting in, I would cry, and feel sad for days. Now I watch the videos, and I am happy, it is not the end. I mean the place is being used for charity meetings, how cool is that : )
Hurt only has power over us if we allow it to, so we must reach for Love always. I truley believe that Michael stays with our hearts so powerfully because he showed love, and love is the one thing that this world wants, people do many things for love, it is powerful. Jesus also spoke about love.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails .And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-13
LOVE NEVER FAILS - I just love this part of the passage it is so true, when you feel sad or depressed remember this.
I meant to get on here but stuff happens I suppose.
quinnnadu: I did forget to say this but one thing that must be understood is that I was not a beLIEver when all of this started. I actually believed that Michael really was gone for about 4 months after June 25th, 2009. So I do carry with me memories of that immense feeling of loss. It’s really hard to rid myself of them because there is always that little ‘What if...’ element in anything without REAL cold hard facts. Yes there is purposed ‘evidence’ but none of this has been directly confirmed by anyone of importance or for that matter, anyone in Michael’s camp. I’m not trying to disrespect anyone by saying this but it’s just the way I see it.
Even so, I’m still a beLIEver and nothing will change that.
But after all, ‘I’m only human...’ Doubt is one of the many threads of ‘human nature.
missy_missy , neversaynever, happythoughts: I was not a fan PERIOD. LOL All I listened to was Japanese/Asian music. I would go to Anime conventions hardcore. And I would wear nothing but anime shirts and bags. I would also cosplay (dressup) as anime characters in conventions and compete at the craftsmanship level of costume design. I have even travelled thousands of miles to meet famous Manga-ka (Japanese comic book authors) I was a HARDCORE anime fan/addict without any other interests. I would submerge myself in all things Japanese/Asian. There is evidence of that in my signature. (my anime renditions of Michael) How could this affect someone like me?
Michael and his message are everything to me.
I think that this is a testament to how important this really is. This has brought people from all walks of life together. I totally agree. There is a reason for this.
2good2btrue: I totally feel you in regards to everything that you have said! I love you too! X3
nefari, peacock shine : Yes, his hold is quite strong. I can’t seem to pull away no matter how much I try. LOL But even though it’s painful sometimes, I’m loving every moment of it. (I hope that did not come out wrong >_>)
Laine29: No Kidding! LMAO!
mjfansince4: That was a beautiful and deep post. Thank you so much for sharing that!
this1crazygirl: ‘straight-jacket friends...’ That just cracked me up! LOL!!!
breakodawn: WOW! That’s VERY interesting and it’s worth thinking about.
SoldierofLOVE: Yes I have to agree. This is definitely something VERY spiritual.
MashMike: I could not stop crying when I typed ‘my confession.’ It’s even difficult to read even though it’s composed of my own words. It is hard but I will always ‘keep the faith.’
rowdyangel: I send you lots of love too *hugs*
Rita Hayworth, MJonmind, mjj4ever777, missdanipyt: OMG.... That’s really something. Aside from my former anime obsession, I had been searching within myself and seeking salvation. And then ...BAM! (June 25th 2009) I use to be an atheist.
Now I read the bible everyday when before, I would never touch one with a 10ft pole. lol
I ‘m not very sure on what my mission is (precisely) but I do agree with in that we are ‘chosen’ and will work together to accomplish something so big that not even the most prepared beLIEver will be able to wrap their mind around it. And yes, we really must "gird our loins" in preparation for what is to come.
After so much questioning (Why me?!?!?! WHY WHY WHY!?!), I have finally given in and surrendered.
God knows what he does. I’m the one who does not so therefore, I must follow.
Marissa87: I understand how you feel. I know that it can be difficult sometimes but ‘keep the faith.’ *hugs*
I would like to thank all you guys for posting your support and your stories. I’m truly touched by them and I really mean it when I say that.
Hugs and L.O.V.E. to all of you,
~alma~
I am very glad to see that your reading the bible now, and I hope you keep the desire to continue reading it, it is full of many beautiful things. God loves you very much, this is true.
What a beautiful thread! Everything I feel, has been said. And I am certainly not alone in my "madness".
People can express their most intimate feelings, their pain, which doesn't want to go away, as there is no closure. Their doubts about their own behavior, why they can't get over it - even after a year of mourning a "superstar" (Mr. Joe J.), whereas the family of the "deceased" claims to think of him every day, but no real tears, no grief shown the usual way. They behave like puppets on a string sometimes. I can't feel their sad emotions most of the time.
I must think of the time, when Elvis suddenly left: No internet, no forums, only the media TV and the press.
So he was dead for most of the world, as Michael is for the majority as well, despite the modern forms of communication nowadays. Ask people around you and you will see.
We have been manipulated for years, for decades, and if you are a hard-working person with not much time at hand or a more superficial mind, you are made to believe in what you read and watch without asking questions.
Why is it that a world-wide community can't let go, desperately trying to find an answer to so many unsolved strange happenings?
Is it a thriller, a crime scene, a movie, a hoax ...?
The more we dig into the whole affair, the more complicated it seems to get, although there exist pages and pages of clues and even solid proof, as it seems. But somehow we don't manage to get to the core of the matter:
Where is Michael? / Elvis?
Hardly any stone has been left unturned - and still...?
I too, keep asking myself, why Michael / Elvis are such magnets. They are wealthy and yet so humble as human beings, normal and yet unreachable.
What makes them so special is something they don't even know themselves for sure, although they are fully aware of it.
It must have been a curse for them at times to be that way for lack of privacy, as much as they loved their fans.
In 1977 most people mourned the loss of a superstar and after a year I guess a lot of the fans were able to get on with their lives, as he was gone (dead) for them. The conspiracy fan clubs existed, but it was another situation. It may change now - at least I do hope for it to happen.
With Michael it is different though. Are we victims of a collective "Michael-Mania"? I don't know what it is.
All I know is, how it all changed my way of thinking: More awareness, no closure yet, doubts about the circumstances of his disappearing. In short: A rollercoaster of feelings for over a year now and no end in sight. As Elvis is in the boat for me, too, I am afraid, it may never end - 30 years to come?
A (double) - BAM please, or I am gonna lose my mind! <!-- s:x -->:x<!-- s:x -->
Well, it is not so bad with me, as I am learning something new every day - and there is the hope of him being alive.
But I must confess, I have never experienced a similar situation before 25th June.
Had anyone told me a year ahead what would happen, I would have said, no way.
A turning point for many, I suppose.
I'm a huge huge fan and have been for so many years, but like you obsessed cause I saw mj references everywhere even before his death in the simplest things, even when I looked in the mirror cause I saw myself in him so much and would look at myself and start crying. IT wasn't easy grieving and seeing fashions inspired by him and the like either. I could go on and on about this but I'm tired of typing, you know where I'm going.
This has brought me to tears. The emotion is felt in all of the words spoken here. I have been there and still am. I don't go one day without thinking about and loving Michael Jackson. He changed me inside out. One day, when this is all over, I will go into detail about why I think Michael has this effect on us. All I can say now is that it is amazing and only few could bring out of so many people what he has managed to bring out of us. It takes a special kind of human being to channel this kind of emotion, a very special person. It's beautiful.
Thank you all friends for sharing this very intimate feeling we all have been carrying inside of us..for over a year now.
All this deep emotions, over one Man, most of us never even met in real life. Michael has got a strong hold on us and I do not believe he will ever let go.
But, it is a reminder to each and everyone of us, that love really does connect us all, where ever and whom ever we may be.
I say, Michael must have carried the biggest heart ever full of Love in the whole world, to summon such strong and enduring love from people from all around the world.
The void Michael has left personally in my heart, when he suddenly disappeared , I do not see it ever closing. It is my prayer that God in his mercy will fill it soon in His Goodness and Wisdom,otherwise,I am afraid, ..... the hurt is so deep and the wound still so fresh, I have now been resigned myself to let it be which ever way it may choose to take me. I mean the Grip on my heart that Michael has is so strong, that , there is no logical explanation for it to happen.I mean, never even met the Man.
What I continue to puzzle over is , why oh' why does the hurt and pain not lessen from day to day.
Time is supposed to heal all wounds..Well, I am living witness, that it is increasing the pain that I feel even more from day to day. Never a day goes by that I do not think of Mike. Yes the tears have long been flowing but it does not seem at all they ever wash away the deep hurt in my heart and being.
Especially when the doubts come knocking and it dawns on me like new, maybe, just maybe there will never be a day coming again, to countenance the blessed smile that has melted millions of hearts.
That of one Michael Jackson. A true Angel on Earth, if ever there was one.!!.
May God bless Michael, wherever he may be. And may God bless us with him..where ever we also be.
NO matter what, we can still thank God for bringing us all together here to share our true feelings and our pain also, teaching us how to love, all because one Man in his life dared to show us real unconditional LOve.
The Prince of Love..Michael J. Jackson.
Love you Michael from the bottom of my heart.
Peace.
Thank you all friends for sharing this very intimate feeling we all have been carrying inside of us..for over a year now.
All this deep emotions, over one Man, most of us never even met in real life. Michael has got a strong hold on us and I do not believe he will ever let go.
But, it is a reminder to each and everyone of us, that love really does connect us all, where ever and whom ever we may be.
I say, Michael must have carried the biggest heart ever full of Love in the whole world, to summon such strong and enduring love from people from all around the world.
The void Michael has left personally in my heart, when he suddenly disappeared , I do not see it ever closing. It is my prayer that God in his mercy will fill it soon in His Goodness and Wisdom,otherwise,I am afraid, ..... the hurt is so deep and the wound still so fresh, I have now been resigned myself to let it be which ever way it may choose to take me. I mean the Grip on my heart that Michael has is so strong, that , there is no logical explanation for it to happen.I mean, never even met the Man.
What I continue to puzzle over is , why oh' why does the hurt and pain not lessen from day to day.
Time is supposed to heal all wounds..Well, I am living witness, that it is increasing the pain that I feel even more from day to day. Never a day goes by that I do not think of Mike. Yes the tears have long been flowing but it does not seem at all they ever wash away the deep hurt in my heart and being.
Especially when the doubts come knocking and it dawns on me like new, maybe, just maybe there will never be a day coming again, to countenance the blessed smile that has melted millions of hearts.
That of one Michael Jackson. A true Angel on Earth, if ever there was one.!!.
May God bless Michael, wherever he may be. And may God bless us with him..where ever we also be.
NO matter what, we can still thank God for bringing us all together here to share our true feelings and our pain also, teaching us how to love, all because one Man in his life dared to show us real unconditional LOve.
The Prince of Love..Michael J. Jackson.
Love you Michael from the bottom of my heart.
Peace.
Your words reflect exactly how I feel. My heart is heavy daily. Like you, there is not a day that goes by that Michael is not in the forefront of my mind. The connection to him is so strong that at times I physically ache. I am drawn to him like a magnet. I have always admired him but I never would have thought his "death" would affect me in this way. I feel like a part of me is missing.
This is a very spiritual awakening for me. It has opened my heart and my mind and has made me look inwards into the very depth of my soul. I have become closer to God, family and friends and now find myself taking great joy in doing even simple everyday things. I am filled with gratitude for everyone and everything around me.
Throughout history God has chosen certain people to help spread his message. I believe Michael is one of Gods chosen ones. I feel that is why we are all so drawn to him. Whether we were aware of it or not we were all open to receiving the message..Love is the greatest power of all. God is Love, Love is God.
Thanks and praise to God for sending us the messenger.
Thank you to Michael for helping us understand
I think that since you were not a fan of his before June 25th. Well, I think that you are using his death as a sort of diversion from your problems. Maybe it is a way to focus on something other than yourself and your problems. Sometimes really looking at a painful situation within our own selves can be a very excruciating thing to do. Maybe you can look at Michael situation and handle it much more better than you could ever handle your own prolems. My comment to you are not in any way meant to hurt or belittle your situation, because I know I have experienced it before. Plus fixation can also be a form of escapism. God Bless YOU !!
I think that since you were not a fan of his before June 25th. Well, I think that you are using his death as a sort of diversion from your problems. Maybe it is a way to focus on something other than yourself and your problems. Sometimes really looking at a painful situation within our own selves can be a very excruciating thing to do. Maybe you can look at Michael situation and handle it much more better than you could ever handle your own prolems. My comment to you are not in any way meant to hurt or belittle your situation, because I know I have experienced it before. Plus fixation can also be a form of escapism. God Bless YOU !!
when I became a huge huge fan years ago, I think the more I sank into it, the more I was running from emotional pain, so there is some truth to what you are saying even though I think she really loves michael too
by youngatheart » Sun Aug 22, 2010 11:38 am
1:38 am
Supervision wrote:Thank you all friends for sharing this very intimate feeling we all have been carrying inside of us..for over a year now.
All this deep emotions, over one Man, most of us never even met in real life. Michael has got a strong hold on us and I do not believe he will ever let go.
But, it is a reminder to each and everyone of us, that love really does connect us all, where ever and whom ever we may be.
I say, Michael must have carried the biggest heart ever full of Love in the whole world, to summon such strong and enduring love from people from all around the world.
The void Michael has left personally in my heart, when he suddenly disappeared , I do not see it ever closing. It is my prayer that God in his mercy will fill it soon in His Goodness and Wisdom,otherwise,I am afraid, ..... the hurt is so deep and the wound still so fresh, I have now been resigned myself to let it be which ever way it may choose to take me. I mean the Grip on my heart that Michael has is so strong, that , there is no logical explanation for it to happen.I mean, never even met the Man.
What I continue to puzzle over is , why oh' why does the hurt and pain not lessen from day to day.
Time is supposed to heal all wounds..Well, I am living witness, that it is increasing the pain that I feel even more from day to day. Never a day goes by that I do not think of Mike. Yes the tears have long been flowing but it does not seem at all they ever wash away the deep hurt in my heart and being.
Especially when the doubts come knocking and it dawns on me like new, maybe, just maybe there will never be a day coming again, to countenance the blessed smile that has melted millions of hearts.
That of one Michael Jackson. A true Angel on Earth, if ever there was one.!!.
May God bless Michael, wherever he may be. And may God bless us with him..where ever we also be.
NO matter what, we can still thank God for bringing us all together here to share our true feelings and our pain also, teaching us how to love, all because one Man in his life dared to show us real unconditional LOve.
The Prince of Love..Michael J. Jackson.
Love you Michael from the bottom of my heart.
Peace.
by youngatheart » Sun Aug 22, 2010 11:38 am
1:38 am
Your words reflect exactly how I feel. My heart is heavy daily. Like you, there is not a day that goes by that Michael is not in the forefront of my mind. The connection to him is so strong that at times I physically ache. I am drawn to him like a magnet. I have always admired him but I never would have thought his "death" would affect me in this way. I feel like a part of me is missing.
Believe me when I tell you, I know to well about the Physical Ache..LOL..it is almost as bad as labor pain..LOL.
But, this observation makes me ask myself, how his mother must feel...
As for his siblings, I do not feel their grief as apparent in their public faces. While I do not want to judge them , it just seems like , we the fans are the ones truly hurting the most as crazy as that may sound, that is the way I have assessed the situation.Sad for MIke, if he his really gone.
by youngatheart » Sun Aug 22, 2010 11][/quote]
Yes, that is what the whole of Michael's message is all about , to all of us I believe. Whether he hoaxed it or not we still have come together here on this forum to exchange and discuss many very important topics...especially The AWAKENING of all of us Spiritually.
And that is a very good thing ..for us and for the whole world, ...since that has been MIke's message all along..
"Heal the World"..
by youngatheart » Sun Aug 22, 2010 11]Throughout history God has chosen certain people to help spread his message. I believe Michael is one of Gods chosen ones. I feel that is why we are all so drawn to him. [/size]
Whether we were aware of it or not we were all open to receiving the message..Love is the greatest power of all. God is Love, Love is God.
Thanks and praise to God for sending us the messenger.
Thank you to Michael for helping us understand
That Michael is one of the Chosen, I have not a trace of doubt at all, you see,I registered on this forum,after almost a year of reading here, because, I had started to see visions of Michael since 6-25 and premonitions also before 6-25..and felt compelled to share it with the believer community.
If you have not read in our thread here on the forum, in Visions from Michael ,(in General Talk)..you probably do not know about my post there , about my Michael Visions, and not just I , but others who post there as well.
Rest assured ..and know, that our Michael is a true SAINT.And yes truly one of the Chosen.
Dead or Alive.
Please join us there and read our posts..if you could from the beginning, the post has grown so fast it is a bit much to read, but you may find comfort there as you read about the amazing visions we all have been receiving and posting for all who care to read and maybe get to know something more of the Magical side , and the Spiritual side of our beloved Michael.
Peace.
That confession broke my heart! Many of us had experience those feelings.Michael was part of our lives for many years and we witness how he was judge and ridiculed for many people; but loved for many millions more. He deserved all the love,joy and happiness of this world; but he was sufferring too much. we loved him not only because of his talents; I think we loved him too and we still love him because he had such a beautiful heart and because we knew he was suffering too. Thats why Michael touched our lives and thats why we feel that way. But only "God" can help us with this; trust "God" he will show us the way. I believe that Michael still alive, but if tomorow they prove that he really died; I know that its going to hurt even more than when his death was announced;But we still have the faith. "what ever happens be strong" and trust in "God."
I think that since you were not a fan of his before June 25th. Well, I think that you are using his death as a sort of diversion from your problems. Maybe it is a way to focus on something other than yourself and your problems. Sometimes really looking at a painful situation within our own selves can be a very excruciating thing to do. Maybe you can look at Michael situation and handle it much more better than you could ever handle your own prolems. My comment to you are not in any way meant to hurt or belittle your situation, because I know I have experienced it before. Plus fixation can also be a form of escapism. God Bless YOU !!
letstalkagain....I really hear what you are saying....but if I might interject my thought into yours...while it may be true that discovering the Love of Michael Jackson might be a case for some to concentrate on a situation other than their own, maybe there is a reason for that....maybe for some people, it took learning the story of Michael's life to make them re-evaluate their own lives and to make positive changes...in other words, a giant wakeup call...I could probably be classified as one of these people you speak of....my own life was not in a good place in June of 2009....I was not a huge fan of Michael's at that time....I had nothing against him really....I just didn't know his story....but once he "died", something about him really spoke to me....it resonated with me....it percolated and then it turned into a full rolling boil....it ignited a spark in me that had been extinguished for quite a long time....his "death" grabbed my attention, his memorial opened a door and ten minutes into my first viewing of This Is It, I walked through that door and closed it behind me to a completely new outlook on life....clearly I am not alone....it has happened to countless people...why? I still have problems...of course...we all do...but I approach them differently...all I have to do is feel sorry for myself for ten seconds, but when I think of what Michael endured for years on end, it puts my own problems in perspective...and being reintroduced to the power of his L.O.V.E. is one of the greatest gifts I've ever been given....I think it was/is the purpose of his life....to make people remember what love is all about....love for self, love for others, love for God....this is the legacy of Michael Jackson and I wish every one in the entire world could know this feeling....I think he was Chosen One and once you've been touched by his love, you are chosen to apply it to your own life and share it with everyone you can.
I think that since you were not a fan of his before June 25th. Well, I think that you are using his death as a sort of diversion from your problems. Maybe it is a way to focus on something other than yourself and your problems. Sometimes really looking at a painful situation within our own selves can be a very excruciating thing to do. Maybe you can look at Michael situation and handle it much more better than you could ever handle your own prolems. My comment to you are not in any way meant to hurt or belittle your situation, because I know I have experienced it before. Plus fixation can also be a form of escapism. God Bless YOU !!
I have not looked at this thread for some time. o_o
Hmmm…That’s interesting but I’ll have to say that I can’t relate to that. O_o;
I suppose that the last part of your comment was meant as means to sugar coat a lollipop made entirely of earwax so to speak. I know that’s a disgusting comparison but I must say that that is a rather intricately detailed assumption to make about someone you know little to nothing about. That’s not to say that I don’t understand what you are trying to say. I do but I fervently disagree. Even so, I’m not at all offended by it. I just could not imagine someone making an assumption like that about another person unless they had ulterior motives. I’ll leave it at that.
I guess it’s ‘human nature’ for us to try and find logical explanations for things that we have no way of explaining on our own. I would think that by now, people on here would quit trying to do that and accept this as it is. >> An awakening of those who are chosen to spread Michael’s God-given message of L.O.V.E.
As a former atheist who always tried to use logic as a center of all things, I can tell you that I would have never imagined that I would ever say something like that.
Yeah I know that everyone in the world has problems but I can’t say that mine (pre- June 25th) were major or traumatizing for that matter. I mean really…
The only big problem that I have ever had has to do with my big brother.
He’s a former drug addict and would always break in our house and steal anything of value to get himself some drug fixes. (My YAMAHA synthesizer, 12 string guitar, ovation guitar, flute, jewelry, VCR (yeah this happened years ago)) Forgiveness is such a beautiful thing though. Whether he has changed or not, I can’t be sure. That’s between him and God. This had been going on since he was 17. Now he’s about to be 31. LOL
The year before Michael’s “disappearance” (2008), I won an art contest and went to San Diego Comic Con in California to meet a very famous Japanese manga (comic) artist that I had always wanted to meet. It was so awesome! It was a dream come true for a huge anime fan like me. I was so happy that I gave up all of the anime conventions here in Texas and I was happy to do that because they were so lame in comparison to SDCC.
I began plans for my 2009 cosplay (costume) line up. I had sketches of characters all over the place and I was so excited to look through my fabric library (yes I have a fabric library LOL I have bought so many fabrics that I need a whole room to put them in) to pick out fabrics suitable for my projects or to shop for fabrics that I may have needed.
I started the first costume on my list. It required a lot of attention to detail and I had to make my own pattern for the entire thing. When I was not in class, I would work on it. I knew that it was going to be my next pride and joy.
For those who care, here are links to give you an idea of what kind of work I would dedicate my free time to. Both galleries are mine but have different IDs. These galleries contain photos of me in the costumes that I created. Most of the photos have descriptions. I have lots more recent photos but I never got to post them.
Now I challenge someone to give me an explanation backed up with cold hard facts as to how this could affect someone like me who was very dedicated and passionate about a very intense hobby. This was my life! This was my breath! THIS was my escape! How can I just not care about it anymore? This is what made me happy. Don’t get me wrong. I still love to create things and I always will. My creative energy has been at a standstill since June 25, 2009. I’ve made things here and there but nothing quite as involving as before.
In May 2009, I graduated from college with honors. It was a very happy time for me. I made my parents proud.
God has blessed me with awesome parents that are loving and supportive and I love them so much. They are not demanding because they have never had to be with me. I’m a self motivator and I do things on my own. I don’t need people to push me. By the time they ask me “Do you have any homework?” I was usually finished with it.
We have our differences but we always find a way to resolve them.
As far as faith goes.
Yeah I was an atheist and I’m not proud that by any means. I was also searching for something but that was always on the back burner. It was never a vexing issue in my life. It never interfered with my happiness. At the time, I figured “well….no one really knows for certain if there is a god so there probably isn’t” *shoulder shrug* “Pshh.” >_> *moving on to what really matters and what I know is real>>>>> life*
That was my attitude towards that.
I was a little more than halfway done with my first cosplay in mid June 2009. (I keep track of dates) I had planned to have this one and about 3 other cosplays done by the end of the year 2009. I had some really detailed costumes on my list. I liked to plan everything to the letter when it came to my costumes.
On June 25th, my mom and I decided to have lunch/dinner at a Chinese Restaurant. (I have told this story before.) And this old man with a cane and his wife came in and sat down. They got drinks. The old man had so much trouble getting around and I remember him getting up and walking to the bathroom. He came back and sat down. He then interrupted our conversation to tell us that Michael Jackson had passed away. I thought that was strange because there were many other people around that were closer to him. Why us? They didn’t order anything to eat. I don’t even remember them leaving. It’s as if they just disappeared. Their drinks were full too.
My mom was also very affected by it. She still cries (to this day) whenever we talk about Michael. I keep her up to date on the hoax though. She believes it’s possible that Michael could still be alive as well. Even so, she still has doubts.
Now as for my cosplay projects…..I have not touched them since the morning of June 25th, 2009. On that day, I ceased to care about everything I ever loved to do in a split second. All that mattered was confirming if ‘It’ was true. With my ‘conditioned’ mindset, I accepted it as true and with that, I plummeted down to the darkest days of my life. A life with no meaning seemed to await me with the passing of every day.
I was so confused about my emotions towards Michael. I was not a fan at all. I wan an anime addict who only listened to Japanese music. I felt like I had been invaded emotionally by a foreigner. I felt so trapped and I wanted out but I didn’t know what to do. All I could see was Michael’s worried face. All I could hear was Michael’s voice beckoning me. I would spend my nights weeping until I would eventually fall asleep. I would spend my days trying to make myself pick up the shattered pieces of my old life but I had to give up on that eventually because it was of no use. Even my cats picked up on my emotions and would do the best they could to ease the pain but of to no avail. It’s so strange how animals can sense if something is wrong.
As for trying to use this as a diversion…….
The rug was pulled from under me and I fell flat on my @$$! This hit me in the face like a sledge hammer during the MOST awesome and happiest time of my life!!!! I was walking on air before this. It seemingly ruined my happiness for 4 months!!! Someone could have burned my diploma or the autograph I got at SDCC and I would not have given a flying hell. I wish it was as simple as a ‘diversion.’ I would have had more control over it if it was. I was always in control of my emotions. I had them in check. This has taken me through the ringer emotionally. I have never been that sad in my ENTIRE life!
This tops all of my ‘traumatizing’ problems if I ever had any.
The only thing that keeps me from falling back into that abyss is the evidence and my belief of Michael being alive somewhere in this cruel world.
For 4 long grueling months, I wished my ‘fixation’ could have been my old pre-June 25th’ life where all that mattered was what was in my own little world: my art, cosplay, collecting anime merchandise, craftsmanship competitions, anime conventions, J-pop rock bands, and meeting others who shared the same interests.
In the words of George Lopez: ‘Simpler times…simpler times.’
But there is one thing that cannot be denied. I’ve been awakened. Michael changed my life and opened my eyes to the truth in this world filled with deception. I will ALWAYS love him for that and I’m not going to let anyone take that away from me.
Perhaps I do not deserve to be Michael’s fan. That may be true. After all, it took Michael’s ‘death’ for this self-interested atheist to find salvation and to really learn what real unconditional LOVE is.
So if it turns out that he really is gone, I’M gonna be the one that will have to live with that for the rest of my insignificant life.
Alma...I don't know what to say but I have to say something...this can't be ignored.
We are always told "don't be selfish, don't think of you, think of Michael"
But some of us are in deep pain and can't take this easily. I know I am in the same place as you.
The same question I asked myself as you did: WHY? Why do I care so much about him?
WHO is Michael to me anyway? And yet he became more real than the reality I can touch around me.
I loved him since I first heard his music but never with so much intensity, even despair, like after June 25th. I have no reasonable explanation WHY. At some point I even thought I love him because he's so sexy and in fact I don't love him, I only love how sexy he is. I could have accepted that more easily ....But then I've realized this is just a way to fool myself.
I'm looking for explanations daily...why do I care so much? Why can't I let go? I feel like if I could explain what's happening to me it would be more easier to accept it.
I have a husband and a son and yet...I feel ridiculous at almost 40 that I am in love with Michael Jackson all of a sudden, after he died (or not).
I think there's only one way to go for me: directly to a mental diseases hospital.
Because as you say: if this is LOVE, why does it hurt so much?
No one knows what happens behind closed doors. I think that the Jackson family had PLENTY of time planning this hoax with Michael, after all, he's the reason that they are where they are now, so they might as well help out their own flesh and blood. When I saw La Toya crying, I cried for a little while, but my thoughts about the hoax came back, so... *Sm1L3*
Comments
Hurt only has power over us if we allow it to, so we must reach for Love always. I truley believe that Michael stays with our hearts so powerfully because he showed love, and love is the one thing that this world wants, people do many things for love, it is powerful. Jesus also spoke about love.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails .And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-13
LOVE NEVER FAILS - I just love this part of the passage it is so true, when you feel sad or depressed remember this.
People can express their most intimate feelings, their pain, which doesn't want to go away, as there is no closure. Their doubts about their own behavior, why they can't get over it - even after a year of mourning a "superstar" (Mr. Joe J.), whereas the family of the "deceased" claims to think of him every day, but no real tears, no grief shown the usual way. They behave like puppets on a string sometimes. I can't feel their sad emotions most of the time.
I must think of the time, when Elvis suddenly left: No internet, no forums, only the media TV and the press.
So he was dead for most of the world, as Michael is for the majority as well, despite the modern forms of communication nowadays. Ask people around you and you will see.
We have been manipulated for years, for decades, and if you are a hard-working person with not much time at hand or a more superficial mind, you are made to believe in what you read and watch without asking questions.
Why is it that a world-wide community can't let go, desperately trying to find an answer to so many unsolved strange happenings?
Is it a thriller, a crime scene, a movie, a hoax ...?
The more we dig into the whole affair, the more complicated it seems to get, although there exist pages and pages of clues and even solid proof, as it seems. But somehow we don't manage to get to the core of the matter:
Where is Michael? / Elvis?
Hardly any stone has been left unturned - and still...?
I too, keep asking myself, why Michael / Elvis are such magnets. They are wealthy and yet so humble as human beings, normal and yet unreachable.
What makes them so special is something they don't even know themselves for sure, although they are fully aware of it.
It must have been a curse for them at times to be that way for lack of privacy, as much as they loved their fans.
In 1977 most people mourned the loss of a superstar and after a year I guess a lot of the fans were able to get on with their lives, as he was gone (dead) for them. The conspiracy fan clubs existed, but it was another situation. It may change now - at least I do hope for it to happen.
With Michael it is different though. Are we victims of a collective "Michael-Mania"? I don't know what it is.
All I know is, how it all changed my way of thinking: More awareness, no closure yet, doubts about the circumstances of his disappearing. In short: A rollercoaster of feelings for over a year now and no end in sight. As Elvis is in the boat for me, too, I am afraid, it may never end - 30 years to come?
A (double) - BAM please, or I am gonna lose my mind! <!-- s:x -->:x<!-- s:x -->
Well, it is not so bad with me, as I am learning something new every day - and there is the hope of him being alive.
But I must confess, I have never experienced a similar situation before 25th June.
Had anyone told me a year ahead what would happen, I would have said, no way.
A turning point for many, I suppose.
All this deep emotions, over one Man, most of us never even met in real life. Michael has got a strong hold on us and I do not believe he will ever let go.
But, it is a reminder to each and everyone of us, that love really does connect us all, where ever and whom ever we may be.
I say, Michael must have carried the biggest heart ever full of Love in the whole world, to summon such strong and enduring love from people from all around the world.
The void Michael has left personally in my heart, when he suddenly disappeared , I do not see it ever closing. It is my prayer that God in his mercy will fill it soon in His Goodness and Wisdom,otherwise,I am afraid, ..... the hurt is so deep and the wound still so fresh, I have now been resigned myself to let it be which ever way it may choose to take me. I mean the Grip on my heart that Michael has is so strong, that , there is no logical explanation for it to happen.I mean, never even met the Man.
What I continue to puzzle over is , why oh' why does the hurt and pain not lessen from day to day.
Time is supposed to heal all wounds..Well, I am living witness, that it is increasing the pain that I feel even more from day to day. Never a day goes by that I do not think of Mike. Yes the tears have long been flowing but it does not seem at all they ever wash away the deep hurt in my heart and being.
Especially when the doubts come knocking and it dawns on me like new, maybe, just maybe there will never be a day coming again, to countenance the blessed smile that has melted millions of hearts.
That of one Michael Jackson. A true Angel on Earth, if ever there was one.!!.
May God bless Michael, wherever he may be. And may God bless us with him..where ever we also be.
NO matter what, we can still thank God for bringing us all together here to share our true feelings and our pain also, teaching us how to love, all because one Man in his life dared to show us real unconditional LOve.
The Prince of Love..Michael J. Jackson.
Love you Michael from the bottom of my heart.
Peace.
Your words reflect exactly how I feel. My heart is heavy daily. Like you, there is not a day that goes by that Michael is not in the forefront of my mind. The connection to him is so strong that at times I physically ache. I am drawn to him like a magnet. I have always admired him but I never would have thought his "death" would affect me in this way. I feel like a part of me is missing.
This is a very spiritual awakening for me. It has opened my heart and my mind and has made me look inwards into the very depth of my soul. I have become closer to God, family and friends and now find myself taking great joy in doing even simple everyday things. I am filled with gratitude for everyone and everything around me.
Throughout history God has chosen certain people to help spread his message. I believe Michael is one of Gods chosen ones. I feel that is why we are all so drawn to him. Whether we were aware of it or not we were all open to receiving the message..Love is the greatest power of all. God is Love, Love is God.
Thanks and praise to God for sending us the messenger.
Thank you to Michael for helping us understand
when I became a huge huge fan years ago, I think the more I sank into it, the more I was running from emotional pain, so there is some truth to what you are saying even though I think she really loves michael too
1:38 am
Supervision wrote:Thank you all friends for sharing this very intimate feeling we all have been carrying inside of us..for over a year now.
All this deep emotions, over one Man, most of us never even met in real life. Michael has got a strong hold on us and I do not believe he will ever let go.
But, it is a reminder to each and everyone of us, that love really does connect us all, where ever and whom ever we may be.
I say, Michael must have carried the biggest heart ever full of Love in the whole world, to summon such strong and enduring love from people from all around the world.
The void Michael has left personally in my heart, when he suddenly disappeared , I do not see it ever closing. It is my prayer that God in his mercy will fill it soon in His Goodness and Wisdom,otherwise,I am afraid, ..... the hurt is so deep and the wound still so fresh, I have now been resigned myself to let it be which ever way it may choose to take me. I mean the Grip on my heart that Michael has is so strong, that , there is no logical explanation for it to happen.I mean, never even met the Man.
What I continue to puzzle over is , why oh' why does the hurt and pain not lessen from day to day.
Time is supposed to heal all wounds..Well, I am living witness, that it is increasing the pain that I feel even more from day to day. Never a day goes by that I do not think of Mike. Yes the tears have long been flowing but it does not seem at all they ever wash away the deep hurt in my heart and being.
Especially when the doubts come knocking and it dawns on me like new, maybe, just maybe there will never be a day coming again, to countenance the blessed smile that has melted millions of hearts.
That of one Michael Jackson. A true Angel on Earth, if ever there was one.!!.
May God bless Michael, wherever he may be. And may God bless us with him..where ever we also be.
NO matter what, we can still thank God for bringing us all together here to share our true feelings and our pain also, teaching us how to love, all because one Man in his life dared to show us real unconditional LOve.
The Prince of Love..Michael J. Jackson.
Love you Michael from the bottom of my heart.
Peace.
by youngatheart » Sun Aug 22, 2010 11:38 am
1:38 am
Your words reflect exactly how I feel. My heart is heavy daily. Like you, there is not a day that goes by that Michael is not in the forefront of my mind. The connection to him is so strong that at times I physically ache. I am drawn to him like a magnet. I have always admired him but I never would have thought his "death" would affect me in this way. I feel like a part of me is missing.
Believe me when I tell you, I know to well about the Physical Ache..LOL..it is almost as bad as labor pain..LOL.
But, this observation makes me ask myself, how his mother must feel...
As for his siblings, I do not feel their grief as apparent in their public faces. While I do not want to judge them , it just seems like , we the fans are the ones truly hurting the most as crazy as that may sound, that is the way I have assessed the situation.Sad for MIke, if he his really gone.
by youngatheart » Sun Aug 22, 2010 11][/quote]
Yes, that is what the whole of Michael's message is all about , to all of us I believe. Whether he hoaxed it or not we still have come together here on this forum to exchange and discuss many very important topics...especially The AWAKENING of all of us Spiritually.
And that is a very good thing ..for us and for the whole world, ...since that has been MIke's message all along..
"Heal the World"..
by youngatheart » Sun Aug 22, 2010 11]Throughout history God has chosen certain people to help spread his message. I believe Michael is one of Gods chosen ones. I feel that is why we are all so drawn to him. [/size]
Whether we were aware of it or not we were all open to receiving the message..Love is the greatest power of all. God is Love, Love is God.
Thanks and praise to God for sending us the messenger.
Thank you to Michael for helping us understand
That Michael is one of the Chosen, I have not a trace of doubt at all, you see,I registered on this forum,after almost a year of reading here, because, I had started to see visions of Michael since 6-25 and premonitions also before 6-25..and felt compelled to share it with the believer community.
If you have not read in our thread here on the forum, in Visions from Michael ,(in General Talk)..you probably do not know about my post there , about my Michael Visions, and not just I , but others who post there as well.
Rest assured ..and know, that our Michael is a true SAINT.And yes truly one of the Chosen.
Dead or Alive.
Please join us there and read our posts..if you could from the beginning, the post has grown so fast it is a bit much to read, but you may find comfort there as you read about the amazing visions we all have been receiving and posting for all who care to read and maybe get to know something more of the Magical side , and the Spiritual side of our beloved Michael.
Peace.
letstalkagain....I really hear what you are saying....but if I might interject my thought into yours...while it may be true that discovering the Love of Michael Jackson might be a case for some to concentrate on a situation other than their own, maybe there is a reason for that....maybe for some people, it took learning the story of Michael's life to make them re-evaluate their own lives and to make positive changes...in other words, a giant wakeup call...I could probably be classified as one of these people you speak of....my own life was not in a good place in June of 2009....I was not a huge fan of Michael's at that time....I had nothing against him really....I just didn't know his story....but once he "died", something about him really spoke to me....it resonated with me....it percolated and then it turned into a full rolling boil....it ignited a spark in me that had been extinguished for quite a long time....his "death" grabbed my attention, his memorial opened a door and ten minutes into my first viewing of This Is It, I walked through that door and closed it behind me to a completely new outlook on life....clearly I am not alone....it has happened to countless people...why? I still have problems...of course...we all do...but I approach them differently...all I have to do is feel sorry for myself for ten seconds, but when I think of what Michael endured for years on end, it puts my own problems in perspective...and being reintroduced to the power of his L.O.V.E. is one of the greatest gifts I've ever been given....I think it was/is the purpose of his life....to make people remember what love is all about....love for self, love for others, love for God....this is the legacy of Michael Jackson and I wish every one in the entire world could know this feeling....I think he was Chosen One and once you've been touched by his love, you are chosen to apply it to your own life and share it with everyone you can.
Peace to you and all who read these words!
I have not looked at this thread for some time. o_o
Hmmm…That’s interesting but I’ll have to say that I can’t relate to that. O_o;
I suppose that the last part of your comment was meant as means to sugar coat a lollipop made entirely of earwax so to speak. I know that’s a disgusting comparison but I must say that that is a rather intricately detailed assumption to make about someone you know little to nothing about. That’s not to say that I don’t understand what you are trying to say. I do but I fervently disagree. Even so, I’m not at all offended by it. I just could not imagine someone making an assumption like that about another person unless they had ulterior motives. I’ll leave it at that.
I guess it’s ‘human nature’ for us to try and find logical explanations for things that we have no way of explaining on our own. I would think that by now, people on here would quit trying to do that and accept this as it is. >> An awakening of those who are chosen to spread Michael’s God-given message of L.O.V.E.
As a former atheist who always tried to use logic as a center of all things, I can tell you that I would have never imagined that I would ever say something like that.
Yeah I know that everyone in the world has problems but I can’t say that mine (pre- June 25th) were major or traumatizing for that matter. I mean really…
The only big problem that I have ever had has to do with my big brother.
He’s a former drug addict and would always break in our house and steal anything of value to get himself some drug fixes. (My YAMAHA synthesizer, 12 string guitar, ovation guitar, flute, jewelry, VCR (yeah this happened years ago)) Forgiveness is such a beautiful thing though. Whether he has changed or not, I can’t be sure. That’s between him and God. This had been going on since he was 17. Now he’s about to be 31. LOL
The year before Michael’s “disappearance” (2008), I won an art contest and went to San Diego Comic Con in California to meet a very famous Japanese manga (comic) artist that I had always wanted to meet. It was so awesome! It was a dream come true for a huge anime fan like me. I was so happy that I gave up all of the anime conventions here in Texas and I was happy to do that because they were so lame in comparison to SDCC.
I began plans for my 2009 cosplay (costume) line up. I had sketches of characters all over the place and I was so excited to look through my fabric library (yes I have a fabric library LOL I have bought so many fabrics that I need a whole room to put them in) to pick out fabrics suitable for my projects or to shop for fabrics that I may have needed.
I started the first costume on my list. It required a lot of attention to detail and I had to make my own pattern for the entire thing. When I was not in class, I would work on it. I knew that it was going to be my next pride and joy.
For those who care, here are links to give you an idea of what kind of work I would dedicate my free time to. Both galleries are mine but have different IDs. These galleries contain photos of me in the costumes that I created. Most of the photos have descriptions. I have lots more recent photos but I never got to post them.
This is not meant to show off in any way. I just want people to understand a little about who I am and how this has affected me.
<!-- m -->http://www.cosplay.com/gallery/a19218/<!-- m -->
<!-- m -->http://www.cosplay.com/gallery/a42163/<!-- m -->
Now I challenge someone to give me an explanation backed up with cold hard facts as to how this could affect someone like me who was very dedicated and passionate about a very intense hobby. This was my life! This was my breath! THIS was my escape! How can I just not care about it anymore? This is what made me happy. Don’t get me wrong. I still love to create things and I always will. My creative energy has been at a standstill since June 25, 2009. I’ve made things here and there but nothing quite as involving as before.
In May 2009, I graduated from college with honors. It was a very happy time for me. I made my parents proud.
God has blessed me with awesome parents that are loving and supportive and I love them so much. They are not demanding because they have never had to be with me. I’m a self motivator and I do things on my own. I don’t need people to push me. By the time they ask me “Do you have any homework?” I was usually finished with it.
We have our differences but we always find a way to resolve them.
As far as faith goes.
Yeah I was an atheist and I’m not proud that by any means. I was also searching for something but that was always on the back burner. It was never a vexing issue in my life. It never interfered with my happiness. At the time, I figured “well….no one really knows for certain if there is a god so there probably isn’t” *shoulder shrug* “Pshh.” >_> *moving on to what really matters and what I know is real>>>>> life*
That was my attitude towards that.
I was a little more than halfway done with my first cosplay in mid June 2009. (I keep track of dates) I had planned to have this one and about 3 other cosplays done by the end of the year 2009. I had some really detailed costumes on my list. I liked to plan everything to the letter when it came to my costumes.
On June 25th, my mom and I decided to have lunch/dinner at a Chinese Restaurant. (I have told this story before.) And this old man with a cane and his wife came in and sat down. They got drinks. The old man had so much trouble getting around and I remember him getting up and walking to the bathroom. He came back and sat down. He then interrupted our conversation to tell us that Michael Jackson had passed away. I thought that was strange because there were many other people around that were closer to him. Why us? They didn’t order anything to eat. I don’t even remember them leaving. It’s as if they just disappeared. Their drinks were full too.
My mom was also very affected by it. She still cries (to this day) whenever we talk about Michael. I keep her up to date on the hoax though. She believes it’s possible that Michael could still be alive as well. Even so, she still has doubts.
Now as for my cosplay projects…..I have not touched them since the morning of June 25th, 2009. On that day, I ceased to care about everything I ever loved to do in a split second. All that mattered was confirming if ‘It’ was true. With my ‘conditioned’ mindset, I accepted it as true and with that, I plummeted down to the darkest days of my life. A life with no meaning seemed to await me with the passing of every day.
I was so confused about my emotions towards Michael. I was not a fan at all. I wan an anime addict who only listened to Japanese music. I felt like I had been invaded emotionally by a foreigner. I felt so trapped and I wanted out but I didn’t know what to do. All I could see was Michael’s worried face. All I could hear was Michael’s voice beckoning me. I would spend my nights weeping until I would eventually fall asleep. I would spend my days trying to make myself pick up the shattered pieces of my old life but I had to give up on that eventually because it was of no use. Even my cats picked up on my emotions and would do the best they could to ease the pain but of to no avail. It’s so strange how animals can sense if something is wrong.
As for trying to use this as a diversion…….
The rug was pulled from under me and I fell flat on my @$$! This hit me in the face like a sledge hammer during the MOST awesome and happiest time of my life!!!! I was walking on air before this. It seemingly ruined my happiness for 4 months!!! Someone could have burned my diploma or the autograph I got at SDCC and I would not have given a flying hell. I wish it was as simple as a ‘diversion.’ I would have had more control over it if it was. I was always in control of my emotions. I had them in check. This has taken me through the ringer emotionally. I have never been that sad in my ENTIRE life!
This tops all of my ‘traumatizing’ problems if I ever had any.
The only thing that keeps me from falling back into that abyss is the evidence and my belief of Michael being alive somewhere in this cruel world.
For 4 long grueling months, I wished my ‘fixation’ could have been my old pre-June 25th’ life where all that mattered was what was in my own little world: my art, cosplay, collecting anime merchandise, craftsmanship competitions, anime conventions, J-pop rock bands, and meeting others who shared the same interests.
In the words of George Lopez: ‘Simpler times…simpler times.’
But there is one thing that cannot be denied. I’ve been awakened. Michael changed my life and opened my eyes to the truth in this world filled with deception. I will ALWAYS love him for that and I’m not going to let anyone take that away from me.
Perhaps I do not deserve to be Michael’s fan. That may be true. After all, it took Michael’s ‘death’ for this self-interested atheist to find salvation and to really learn what real unconditional LOVE is.
So if it turns out that he really is gone, I’M gonna be the one that will have to live with that for the rest of my insignificant life.
We are always told "don't be selfish, don't think of you, think of Michael"
But some of us are in deep pain and can't take this easily. I know I am in the same place as you.
The same question I asked myself as you did: WHY? Why do I care so much about him?
WHO is Michael to me anyway? And yet he became more real than the reality I can touch around me.
I loved him since I first heard his music but never with so much intensity, even despair, like after June 25th. I have no reasonable explanation WHY. At some point I even thought I love him because he's so sexy and in fact I don't love him, I only love how sexy he is. I could have accepted that more easily ....But then I've realized this is just a way to fool myself.
I'm looking for explanations daily...why do I care so much? Why can't I let go? I feel like if I could explain what's happening to me it would be more easier to accept it.
I have a husband and a son and yet...I feel ridiculous at almost 40 that I am in love with Michael Jackson all of a sudden, after he died (or not).
I think there's only one way to go for me: directly to a mental diseases hospital.
Because as you say: if this is LOVE, why does it hurt so much?