Thanks again guys.... my family doesn't want me on any pills, though...
and I feel like I may die soon, anyways.. I suffer from migraines, and I feel sharp pains in my head, and there's a discomfort, like my brain is pushing against my skull. I've felt this for years. Even worse, I really don't care.... and worse than that, my stress and strain is taking its toll on my heart....
I know, I know, go get it checked out. Ugh, maybe, maybe not. I barely wanna hop in the shower in the mornings-- that's how unmotivated I am. And someone said Michael would be sad if he read my post? Yeah, I am trying to think positive, and I love him very much, he's amazing.. but with the world today, I don't even wanna attempt to get better, anymore. People keep dying, killing their families, stealing and robbing people.. this is not the world I wanna live in.
I'm not saying I'm giving up, but I'm also saying that I'm not trying. I am just stuck in this purgatory of my own demons.
I will no longer post messages like this, because they could get very dark, and disturbing, plus, I don't like making people feel sad, and I don't like to complain.
I do this to myself. I am destroying myself. I implode, not explode, like I said. And I take everything real hard. I am overly sensitive to what others say, yet, I am the rudest and meanest to myself. I curse myself all the time, and call myself stupid. I'd rather hear myself say that, then have someone give me a compliment. Now how weird and twisted is that. I let myself suffer because I feel I deserve it. And there's no way I can get help, because honestly, I dont even want it. I will never accept who I am, ever. And I will never date, nor live with anyone.
I will stop here, because this is getting too deep, and dark in my mind. I will no longer post how I feel though, because you all have helped enough, and I feel terrible for even blabbing in the first place, when I know I wont make a change.
I shake and tremble when I do things wrong, and scream in my head. I still hit myself in the head, which probably adds on to my headaches, but something happens, when I make a mistake, or disappoint someone. I can't handle anything negative, from another. I snap, and beat myself about it- literally.
I've been doing this for years, though. I don't think it will change. I am truly my own worst enemy, and since I am in such a dark place, I will have to pull away from this forum even more. You would think I'd stay, because you guys make me happy, but I don't wanna say anything outrageous, again.
Take care, I love you all.
And please don't waste 10-20 minutes of your time with messaging me... honestly, deep inside, it doesn't make me feel better. I'm glad you all care, but it doesn't hit home, I am so far in my thoughts now, hardly anything encourages me. But please, don't worry about me. This is my last post like this, I promise.
Keep the faith.
I can't find words for making you feel better <!-- s:( -->:(<!-- s:( --> but I'm going to bed now..and you are going to be in my prayers. <!-- s;) -->;)<!-- s;) -->
mjgirl, Please do not go. I have always enjoyed your posts and your wallpapers. I have always been misunderstood in this world like you. But, I have embraced my uniqueness and my differences from others. You seem like a wonderful person. I will pray for you as well. Always remember that you are much loved in this world. You have a great mission to do for the world. Smile, mjgirl, we are so happy that you are here with us. God Bless You! <!-- s:D -->:D<!-- s:D -->
mjgirl, i really am not good at comforting people but....please don't give up. don't stress out yourself. be strong. stop having that negative thinking. your mindsetting is overpowering you. fight it! about your headache, please have it looked at. don't torture yourself like this...
My heart breakes reading your words, you've said it probably doesn't make you feel better when someone says something nice or encouraging to you but you have to know you are unique there is only one you in this world you and you have to know you do deserve to be here no matter what state the world is in. You are special like each and everyone one of us and you really beat yourself down with these thoughts, you really need to lift your mind and head up high and listen to Keep The Faith it is what makes me going sometimes when things get rough.
Just know you are here for a purpose and you are unique.
i need help from my family i have not lost my faith ,cos i no mj is alive.it is all this running around i cant take it much more,it is like someone is playing games with us,ok mj wants us to no he is alive,but its getting to much,i think me and BAXTER need to stay in the padded cell for a few days ,i really am losing it now ,i cant play this game till he returns,to many people are getting hurt ,its all these fake mjs out there on youtube,twitter and facebook,and everywhere else,they suck people in then they turn out to be fake and so many people get hurt.i do think mj is out there trying to speak with us but how will we really no if it is him,and is there not a better way to do it without breaking so many hearts,i hope you all understand what i mean <!-- s:? -->:?<!-- s:? -->
do not be depressed, please
- i believe the only thing is that you are very young- <!-- s;) -->;)<!-- s;) --> at your age it is very hard to wait <!-- s:!: -->:!:<!-- s:!: -->
maybe it is a good idea to spend some time with people at your age and just enjoy your life?
you can pm me anytime- i will be there for you
hugs
@ Spakkle29Ful,
Yes, I understand <!-- s:!: -->:!:<!-- s:!: -->
I also see that sometimes it is not easy ....... <!-- s:( -->:(<!-- s:( -->
If I could I would invite you to the fish fight <!-- s:D -->:D<!-- s:D --> to cheer
Thanks guys for all your new replies... I am trying to take one day at a time, but I get those moments throughout the day, everyday...
I wont get into details, but I hate being bothered and being around people. I have such a problem, that I drive myself insane. I almost cut again, but it took everything in me to pull back...
I'm working on it, guys.. I'm trying.. I have been doing things though, to try and feel stable. Like cleaning the house.. helping a neighbor, telling someone I love them, little things like that.
Thanks for putting up with me, though guys. I sure as heck couldn't.
Comments
I can't find words for making you feel better <!-- s:( -->:(<!-- s:( --> but I'm going to bed now..and you are going to be in my prayers. <!-- s;) -->;)<!-- s;) -->
I am praying for you still. Sis, I have been there.
Infinitylady
Psalms 103
Just know you are here for a purpose and you are unique.
@dear spakkle29ful
do not be depressed, please
- i believe the only thing is that you are very young- <!-- s;) -->;)<!-- s;) --> at your age it is very hard to wait <!-- s:!: -->:!:<!-- s:!: -->
maybe it is a good idea to spend some time with people at your age and just enjoy your life?
you can pm me anytime- i will be there for you
hugs
Yes, I understand <!-- s:!: -->:!:<!-- s:!: -->
I also see that sometimes it is not easy ....... <!-- s:( -->:(<!-- s:( -->
If I could I would invite you to the fish fight <!-- s:D -->:D<!-- s:D --> to cheer
I wont get into details, but I hate being bothered and being around people. I have such a problem, that I drive myself insane. I almost cut again, but it took everything in me to pull back...
I'm working on it, guys.. I'm trying.. I have been doing things though, to try and feel stable. Like cleaning the house.. helping a neighbor, telling someone I love them, little things like that.
Thanks for putting up with me, though guys. I sure as heck couldn't.
Merry Chrissssstmas!