Thanks Serenity! I also answered 'yes' to all of those questions, my research on Indigos led me to the Lightworker concept. Sounds like they are basically the same thing, or at least believe in the same principles and are here for the same reasons.
Thank you Jaci for starting such a wonderful thread and for sharing yourself so beautifully with all of us...and yes, you are not alone.
There was so much in your words, and in other's comments, that I could directly relate to...perhaps the most striking similarity is the feeling of not belonging 'here'...with the 'here' being anywhere I've been in my 38 years of life so far. For the longest time, I was able to logically make 'sense' of it by telling myself that I just didn't like my surroundings, or couldn't understand people's actions and/or behaviors, or was just unhappy with my 'lot' in life. Basically, I chalked up the feeling of not belonging 'here' to my having built an unrealistic picture of what I thought the world should be. I accepted that for a long time (or at least was able to tell myself I did)...but for the past few years, that part of me that I had intentionally buried has been making its own comeback lol. The events of June 25th, and everything that has followed, have just accelerated the rebirth that had already started to take shape within me.
I think it was you, Jaci, who commented on each of us having chosen this life that we are each living right now. I remember reading about a theory like this, a very long time ago...a theory that posits that we were, at one point, a spirit form in heaven and we were given 'glimpses and flashes' of different lives that needed to be lived on earth. The theory then goes on to claim that each of us did, in fact, choose this particular time and this particular physical form with its unique circumstances and experiences. Each life choice had its own purpose to fulfill and before making our choice, we each knew that purpose. Those who follow this theory go on to suggest that the 'secret' to life is to remember what that purpose was.
Although I have always liked the 'whimsical' sound to this theory, I can remember many, many times thinking that I must have been an absolute crazy spirit for choosing this life!! Or that I was somehow the brunt of the spirit world's joke....like I was 'punked' (I picked door #3 but ended up a stow-away on a lost ship lol). I, thankfully, have been blessed with being able to laugh at life and God sure knew I would need that ability.
We are all on a spiritual journey, I believe, whether we embrace it or not...whether we understand it or not. And although we each take different paths in getting 'there', I firmly believe that we all end up back to where we started. It is interesting, though, to see some similarities within our own distinct journeys. I, too, had a troubled childhood...I can remember being 6 years old and hating God for allowing me to endure things that no child should ever have to...this went on until the age of 11 and changed the very nature of the little girl I was...it ripped my innocence from my very soul. I wouldn't come to fully understand the impact of the abuse I suffered for several years later (some of which I am still trying to understand). My teenage years are somewhat of a blur because, for the most part, I was too stoned to remember them. I had my first daugther when I was 26 and it was during her delivery that I made my peace with God...long story and hard to explain. But that 'peace' was short-lived...my second daughter was born 12 weeks early and due to lacking oxygen for 20 seconds, has cerebral palsy and faces many challenges. As you can probably see, my own spiritual journey (for lack of a better description) has been an ongoing battle with God. And not just with my own life or with my daughters' challenges, but with the world as a whole.
Despite my anger and frustration towards God over the years, I have never once lost faith in Him nor ever doubted His presence. And, funny enough, as I've gotten older, it is He that I turn to most whenever I am feeling 'lost' (I have many acquaintances in my life...'true' friends I can count on one hand and that is a personal choice). I know that even in those times where it felt the world was crashing down on me that I was never alone...even if I couldn't feel His presence or chose not to. And, man, have I felt alone in this life...like I was always on the outside looking in at a world and people (including family) that I just couldn't make sense of or relate to. I am an Aquarian (or at least I thought I was until someone discovered there are 13 signs lol)....and have always been intuitive to nature and people....yet I have always preferred to love from a distance (give without it being known, help out without looking for credit). I can't begin to remember how many times that has led to me being taken advantage of by people. I can also be extremely stubborn when it comes to things I am most passionate about and I have a deep-rooted sense of fairness, justice and equality. I have learned that this is both my greatest strength and my greatest weakness.
I have always felt that my purpose in life was to teach. Although I took on several other jobs over the years, I could never shake the nagging feeling that I was meant to teach. That is why, at age 33, I returned to school and took on 2 degrees, while juggling work, a home and my own children...all to become a teacher. Now that I am a teacher....that aggitating feeling (that I've had my entire life) has not subsided....I still feel that this is NOT it...I just can't figure out what is! I just can't shake the feeling that I'm meant for so much more...
It's definitely not an easy process, regardless of what one calls it--spiritual awakening, returning 'home', or being a lightworker (which I, too, believe is innate in all beings). It can be a very lonely process involving a lot of soul-searching. I think the 'test' of life...the most important thing, as we encounter the inevitable struggles, is to always come back to our true nature...which is love. No matter what the world throws at you...no matter how many times your heart shatters into pieces...find your way back to the light, to the love. Michael has always been my mentor for that very reason.
Sorry for the long post...all of you in this thread have touched my heart and have allowed me to share a piece of it with you. Thank you.
Thanks so much to all of you for being vulnerable and sharing your stories. I so identified with all that has been said. I come from a very large family and have always felt isolated and alone. I knew that I wasn't like everyone else and yet I love them so much. Just today I felt I needed to make a decision to take a break from them because I don't seem to be able to be me and still be a part of the family. What is keeping me with them is keeping me from whatever God has for me. It is a terribly hard and frightening decision. But I feel constricted by their constant pressure for me to conform and my inability to share anything with them...including my obsession with this site.
Then tonight I stumbled on to this particular topic. It is so comforting to know that there are many more like us out there. If this was Michael's purpose, then the riddle for me has been solved. My unexplainable desire to continue to follow this site for so many months now makes sense. Today I was so distraught and was asking for spiritual strength. I took a walk and listened to Michael's "Keep the Faith" and totally surrendered all the fears and doubts I had about where God wants to take me. Tonight I feel like I have my answer. I
hope this thread is continued. I will follow up on the sites listed here. I am excited about hearing more from all of you. Thank you so much. I think what God has for me is bigger than I even imagined.
Thanks so much to all of you for being vulnerable and sharing your stories. I so identified with all that has been said. I come from a very large family and have always felt isolated and alone. I knew that I wasn't like everyone else and yet I love them so much. Just today I felt I needed to make a decision to take a break from them because I don't seem to be able to be me and still be a part of the family. What is keeping me with them is keeping me from whatever God has for me. It is a terribly hard and frightening decision. But I feel constricted by their constant pressure for me to conform and my inability to share anything with them...including my obsession with this site.
Then tonight I stumbled on to this particular topic. It is so comforting to know that there are many more like us out there. If this was Michael's purpose, then the riddle for me has been solved. My unexplainable desire to continue to follow this site for so many months now makes sense. Today I was so distraught and was asking for spiritual strength. I took a walk and listened to Michael's "Keep the Faith" and totally surrendered all the fears and doubts I had about where God wants to take me. Tonight I feel like I have my answer. I
hope this thread is continued. I will follow up on the sites listed here. I am excited about hearing more from all of you. Thank you so much. I think what God has for me is bigger than I even imagined.
Oh my goodness you made me cry! I too feel that way about my family. It's so frustrating because, like you, I love them so much! And I get frustrated when they just don't understand me even though I feel I am explaining and presenting myself perfectly.
I think I'm older than most of you so this has been an ongoing theme in my life. Oddly enough, it didn't all come together for me until Michael's "death." I have spent most of my life trying to "fit" in and now I realize I was squandering the innate gifts that God has given. I hope I word this correctly, but there is a verse in the Bible about God being a jealous God. For me, it's as if he demands my time to meditate and listen to his voice. And I spend a great deal of time doing that. Some people call it "intuitive" I just call it listening to his voice. If I do that, there are few "surprises" in my life, meaning I know when things are going to happen, ie an illness that I need to be treated for or a job issue, etc.
I don't know if the rest of you have also noticed that you're blindsided by people's cruelty. I'm extremely naive about man's ability to be cruel and abusive. I don't think that way so I am childlike in anticipating it or dealing with it. I think God has made me be more alert and mature in those situations over the last few years. So I totally understand Michael and the people who took advantage of him.
I have seen a few people post health issues here and one thing that I have noticed is that "our group" tends to have poor immunity issues which manifest in various illnesses. Fortunately, I finally found (or God directed me to) a very good holistic doctor who has addressed both the physical and spiritual needs. Sometimes I think our hyper sensitivity to injustices and evil does cause us to have physical illnesses.
Again, thanks to all of you. God had told me he would provide me with a family, I just need to let go of the one that I have. It isn't a healthy enviornment for me.
I think I'm older than most of you so this has been an ongoing theme in my life. Oddly enough, it didn't all come together for me until Michael's "death." I have spent most of my life trying to "fit" in and now I realize I was squandering the innate gifts that God has given. I hope I word this correctly, but there is a verse in the Bible about God being a jealous God. For me, it's as if he demands my time to meditate and listen to his voice. And I spend a great deal of time doing that. Some people call it "intuitive" I just call it listening to his voice. If I do that, there are few "surprises" in my life, meaning I know when things are going to happen, ie an illness that I need to be treated for or a job issue, etc.
I don't know if the rest of you have also noticed that you're blindsided by people's cruelty. I'm extremely naive about man's ability to be cruel and abusive. I don't think that way so I am childlike in anticipating it or dealing with it. I think God has made me be more alert and mature in those situations over the last few years. So I totally understand Michael and the people who took advantage of him.
I have seen a few people post health issues here and one thing that I have noticed is that "our group" tends to have poor immunity issues which manifest in various illnesses. Fortunately, I finally found (or God directed me to) a very good holistic doctor who has addressed both the physical and spiritual needs. Sometimes I think our hyper sensitivity to injustices and evil does cause us to have physical illnesses.
Again, thanks to all of you. God had told me he would provide me with a family, I just need to let go of the one that I have. It isn't a healthy enviornment for me.
Growing in the knowledge of His love--
Yes, yes, and yes! I can relate to everything you just said. It's kind of creepy at times, I feel like I'm reading my own words. I cannot express how much it means to me that others are opening up about being "different", it just warms my soul! Michael is the one who taught us all by example that it's not only okay to be different, it's extraordinary and beautiful!
About the immunity issues, I know exactly what you mean. I used to get sick ALL the time, even though I am very health conscious. Once I found ways to deal with my anxiety and to think of some things in this world a little different, my health improved dramatically. I haven't even had a cold for over 2 years, which is very nice. I think it's great that you found such a wonderful doctor. They are hard to come by, but they are out there.
I don't know if the rest of you have also noticed that you're blindsided by people's cruelty. I'm extremely naive about man's ability to be cruel and abusive.
Rita....this comment of yours socked really me in the gut!....I have ALWAYS felt this way!....MY ENTIRE LIFE!...I've always been very "thin skinned", as they say, and always thought I was just being "too sensitive"....I am constantly astounded at the rudeness, callousness and lack of compassion in others...like I just can't even FATHOM what some people must be thinking by the things they say and the way they act!
I think this has everything to do with why I have been so drawn to Michael's Story...the utter injustice of it all...it resonates with me so deeply...and yet, surprisingly, I feel something happening to me on a cosmic level...like it has been my destiny all along to find him and allow his life to impact mine so profoundly...I don't know where it is leading other than to say that I feel I might have been chosen to be on the frontlines of something so that I can guide others that will follow behind me on the same path.
Can anyone else relate to this or have I just gone off the deep end here?
Hello family !!! This does make me feel at "home". Thank you, thank you and thank you for this thread. You are all such beautiful and brave lovely souls ! God bless you all !
I too felt so alienated as a child that I actually asked my parents if they had adopted me. Even after they tried to convince me that I was their child and that I was home, I did not believe them and cried myself to sleep many times. At one point it got so bad that I wanted to die.
Very dramatically, I pulled off my blanket at night in the belief that I would freeze to death !! LOLOLOL
I also had that terrible feeling of not being understood. Like I was n`t speaking the same language.
Through my hole life I have come to see friends as more close to me than my own family.
Except for my children
When I had my own children I felt more happy and content. Children are Gods lights !
Today I see these feelings in my childhood as vague remembrances of something far greater.
I also have had spiritual experiences. One major in 95 changed me completely. I won`t go into details but I can say that I literally saw the light. I saw it with my eyes opened and with my eyes closed. So I was going to see that light whether I wanted to or not :=)
That light was so magnificent, bright and loving that I just do not have words to explain it.
The "feeling" that light gave me will always stay with me and always helps me in difficult times.
No one in my family believes me. Maybe they are not supposed to. I truly believe we all awaken when we are ready. I think we each get our own personal "signal" that triggers our souls growth.
I also believe that classical music is a direct portal to the divine spirit. I have been painting a few years. At one point I started to listen to classical music while painting and the quality of the paintings went sky high. (IMO) :=) Classical music to me is my way of meditating.
You can imagine the smile on my face the first time I read that MJ always listened to classical music ! Don`t have to tell me twice ! lol
Anyone else here who can relate to this ?
Finishing this off I just want to say that I have never been the big fan of MJ. I loved his music for the beat... loved to dance to his music but never listened to the words. Until he disappeared that is, wow I never knew Mj was so spiritual and he has now moved me with his words more than any other. MJ is now "all" I listen to ( with some classical in between ).
I would like to thank MJ for all the magnificent music he has given the world and, hopefully, for all the music to come ;=) I am now officially the BIGGEST fan ever !!!
Thank you to all for sharing your stories. This means so much to me, I feel great gratitude !
Love to you all !
Hello family !!! This does make me feel at "home". Thank you, thank you and thank you for this thread. You are all such beautiful and brave lovely souls ! God bless you all !
I too felt so alienated as a child that I actually asked my parents if they had adopted me. Even after they tried to convince me that I was their child and that I was home, I did not believe them and cried myself to sleep many times. At one point it got so bad that I wanted to die.
Very dramatically, I pulled off my blanket at night in the belief that I would freeze to death !! LOLOLOL
I also had that terrible feeling of not being understood. Like I was n`t speaking the same language.
Through my hole life I have come to see friends as more close to me than my own family.
Except for my children
When I had my own children I felt more happy and content. Children are Gods lights !
Today I see these feelings in my childhood as vague remembrances of something far greater.
I also have had spiritual experiences. One major in 95 changed me completely. I won`t go into details but I can say that I literally saw the light. I saw it with my eyes opened and with my eyes closed. So I was going to see that light whether I wanted to or not :=)
That light was so magnificent, bright and loving that I just do not have words to explain it.
The "feeling" that light gave me will always stay with me and always helps me in difficult times.
No one in my family believes me. Maybe they are not supposed to. I truly believe we all awaken when we are ready. I think we each get our own personal "signal" that triggers our souls growth.
I also believe that classical music is a direct portal to the divine spirit. I have been painting a few years. At one point I started to listen to classical music while painting and the quality of the paintings went sky high. (IMO) :=) Classical music to me is my way of meditating.
You can imagine the smile on my face the first time I read that MJ always listened to classical music ! Don`t have to tell me twice ! lol
Anyone else here who can relate to this ?
Finishing this off I just want to say that I have never been the big fan of MJ. I loved his music for the beat... loved to dance to his music but never listened to the words. Until he disappeared that is, wow I never knew Mj was so spiritual and he has now moved me with his words more than any other. MJ is now "all" I listen to ( with some classical in between ).
I would like to thank MJ for all the magnificent music he has given the world and, hopefully, for all the music to come ;=) I am now officially the BIGGEST fan ever !!!
Thank you to all for sharing your stories. This means so much to me, I feel great gratitude !
Love to you all !
Thank you for sharing!! That story about wondering if you were adopted is SO funny! <!-- s --><!-- s --> I defnitely don't fit in with my family either, I'm soooo much different than them all. BUT they all seem to love that I am different, so it makes it easier for me to be myself. Even if they don't understand me, I know they love me.
I know what you mean about classical music. I also think that goes for any music that is without words and has a meditative aspect to it. I am a massage therapist and I just love playing classical or asian music while I work, it's so relaxing and it's almost as if my movements created the words to the song, much as your paintings create the words to the music you listen to, right? <!-- s:) -->:)<!-- s:) -->
Hello family !!! This does make me feel at "home". Thank you, thank you and thank you for this thread. You are all such beautiful and brave lovely souls ! God bless you all !
I too felt so alienated as a child that I actually asked my parents if they had adopted me. Even after they tried to convince me that I was their child and that I was home, I did not believe them and cried myself to sleep many times. At one point it got so bad that I wanted to die.
Very dramatically, I pulled off my blanket at night in the belief that I would freeze to death !! LOLOLOL
I also had that terrible feeling of not being understood. Like I was n`t speaking the same language.
Through my hole life I have come to see friends as more close to me than my own family.
Except for my children
When I had my own children I felt more happy and content. Children are Gods lights !
Today I see these feelings in my childhood as vague remembrances of something far greater.
I also have had spiritual experiences. One major in 95 changed me completely. I won`t go into details but I can say that I literally saw the light. I saw it with my eyes opened and with my eyes closed. So I was going to see that light whether I wanted to or not :=)
That light was so magnificent, bright and loving that I just do not have words to explain it.
The "feeling" that light gave me will always stay with me and always helps me in difficult times.
No one in my family believes me. Maybe they are not supposed to. I truly believe we all awaken when we are ready. I think we each get our own personal "signal" that triggers our souls growth.
I also believe that classical music is a direct portal to the divine spirit. I have been painting a few years. At one point I started to listen to classical music while painting and the quality of the paintings went sky high. (IMO) :=) Classical music to me is my way of meditating.
You can imagine the smile on my face the first time I read that MJ always listened to classical music ! Don`t have to tell me twice ! lol
Anyone else here who can relate to this ?
Finishing this off I just want to say that I have never been the big fan of MJ. I loved his music for the beat... loved to dance to his music but never listened to the words. Until he disappeared that is, wow I never knew Mj was so spiritual and he has now moved me with his words more than any other. MJ is now "all" I listen to ( with some classical in between ).
I would like to thank MJ for all the magnificent music he has given the world and, hopefully, for all the music to come ;=) I am now officially the BIGGEST fan ever !!!
Thank you to all for sharing your stories. This means so much to me, I feel great gratitude !
Love to you all !
Thank you for sharing!! That story about wondering if you were adopted is SO funny! <!-- s --><!-- s --> I defnitely don't fit in with my family either, I'm soooo much different than them all. BUT they all seem to love that I am different, so it makes it easier for me to be myself. Even if they don't understand me, I know they love me.
I know what you mean about classical music. I also think that goes for any music that is without words and has a meditative aspect to it. I am a massage therapist and I just love playing classical or asian music while I work, it's so relaxing and it's almost as if my movements created the words to the song, much as your paintings create the words to the music you listen to, right? <!-- s:) -->:)<!-- s:) -->
The adoption story....how funny! I have one of those too. There are 11 children in my family. I happen to have red hair (yes, the red headed step child) and obviously don't tan. My sister did. So I told everyone she was adopted from an American Indian adoption agency. That was during my days when I was doing the opposite...trying to make myself the benchmark for "normalcy." Didn't work.
I think Michael did so well because his mother was so spiritual. She truly understood his uniqueness and encouraged it. You can really understand that in the Jackson Family movie. Because she did that, I'm not sure he ever understood until the media painted him as "weird" that he was unique. She created a wonderful cocoon for him. It's just a wonderful parenting story.
Jaqui, i love this thread you have created. i have looked at it over the last couple of days and have built up the courage to reply after so many replies from other members...you have all had me tearing up <!-- s:( -->:(<!-- s:( --> i can't believe there are others that feel like i do, i have always felt a bit odd and like most of you..i feel i don't belong..which is quite a sad feeling, i am also very sensitive always have been. i don't post much on here, i am no good at investigating like most of you, but i do visit everyday to see whats new (i can't keep away). <!-- s:D -->:D<!-- s:D --> i don't have anyone to talk to about the hoax (everyone thinks i am mad) <!-- s --><!-- s --> anyway i am not to good at writing, all i want to say is a big thank you to you and other members for posting, its nice to know i'm not alone! love to you all xx
I noticed you mentioned that you are a massage therapist. Have you ever worked with children with special needs...primarily high muscle tone, dystonia, etc? I have tired doing some techniques on my daughter but feel I'm either not doing it right or am not doing it enough (but then I worry about over-doing it). Would you be able to offer me any guidance with that? (sorry for being off-topic)
I noticed you mentioned that you are a massage therapist. Have you ever worked with children with special needs...primarily high muscle tone, dystonia, etc? I have tired doing some techniques on my daughter but feel I'm either not doing it right or am not doing it enough (but then I worry about over-doing it). Would you be able to offer me any guidance with that? (sorry for being off-topic)
With L.O.V.E. always.
I don't have any clinical experience working with children with special needs (yet!), but I've read quite a bit about dystonia in regards to massage. How old is your daughter and how severe is her condition? Where on her body are the symptoms most bothersome or is it generalized? Does she take any medication for it - pain killers or muscle relaxers? What kind of massage techniques have you tried and what was her response? Have you tried any other treatments at home to help like essential oil baths or exercises? What about her diet, what's it like?
The great thing about massage is that it truly is great for everyone. Of course you'll want to be careful with your child depending on her age and pain tolerance level. If you ever over-do it, she will let you know. Make sure to ask her often while you are massaging if it feels okay. If there is any increased pain than what she is already experiencing, you will want to stop or lessen your pressure. With dystonia, the main intent should be to bring comfort to the individual. That comfort and love in itself is what is going to do the healing. The tense muscles can cause the spirit to go crazy which in turn, can make the body go even crazier. The best thing to do is to regularly do activities that integrates the body and spirit, instead of just the body. That is why massage is a great tool, because while you are touching the body calmingly and lovingly, you are affecting the spirit. The spirit will then be more at ease and the person will find it much easier to deal with the physical pain, even if the pain is not gone. I would highly suggest taking her to an experienced massage therapist if you can afford it, where she can get full body relaxation massages regularly (if she likes it and is comfortable). Children seem to love massage from what I've witnessed so far. And sometimes just knowing that you're getting a massage soon can be relaxing in itself.
Yoga is also a great body-mind technique. Again, it depends how old your daughter is. But even young children can do simple stretches and benefit from them. I used to be a nanny for a toddler. She saw me doing yoga all the time while she was supposed to be sleeping, and eventually I taught her how to do the "down dog" yoga pose. I would say, "do Yoga!" and she would instantly go into that pose, hold it for a few seconds, and then look at me with a huge smile on her face as if to say, "I did it!". Sometimes the simple act of learning and mastering simple excercises like this can make a child's spirit shine.
Also, Lavender is a great oil to use for relaxation. You can put it in the bath along with some epsom salts to calm the muscles, or apply it topically. If nothing else, it may help her sleep better which is great in itself, as sleep is very important for healing the body and spirit.
I hope this helps a little bit! I am more than happy to help in any way that I can. <!-- s:) -->:)<!-- s:) -->
OMG !
I just can NOT believe it.
What has been posted before is EXACTLY me ! As Jaci said : it's like I'm reading my OWN words. I agree with EVERYTHING posted above. We're the same. WE'RE ALL ONE !
I wanna thank Michael for bringing us together, for his songs, his speeches, his charity work, and most importantly for sharing his LOVE with billions of people around the globe ! I believe it's the most precious thing.
My life has completely changed since the 25th June, and more confidant, spiritual, sensitive. My current situation is like I'm living 2 lives in two different worlds. My own world helps to escape the reality. That's why I refuse to leave those forums no matter what will happen at the end, it's my real home. It's here where I can be 100 % myself. I don't like spending HOURS in front of a cold machine but I didn't that through this cold machine, I'll recieve so much love and support which is something impossible in reality <!-- s --><!-- s -->
I'm usually unheard, misundertood or ignored <!-- s --><!-- s --> That's part of my life.
I'm 14 yrs old and I feel comfortable with FEW people, I'm totally unlike my classmates. They have something different going on in their minds as popularity, money, sex ... <!-- s:| -->:|<!-- s:| -->
I'm not into that, that's why I don't have friends. I have ONE loyal friend, we know each other since the elementry school and we became close the three last years. This year, we are not in the same class, we meet from time to time only. I didn't make new friends since our separation.
I CAN finally deal with loneliness now.
While writing this post, I was interupted by my mom who was screaming and shouting because I had my cat in the bedroom. I don't care if she doesn't like animals, I do. I don't want my cat out. I NEED this animal's love. I couldn't bear what she was saying <!-- s --><!-- s --> I'm SICK, I'm really tired of this world. I can't cope anymore. I almost gave up with humans ! I'm DONE ! <!-- s --><!-- s -->
You sound like a very sweet and loving young lady. Young at age but an "old and wise soul" !
Good for you not following your classmates and daring to be unique.
I would like to give you an advise if I may. Please do not give up on people. There are so many kind and loving souls out there. You have one friend now and I am sure there will come many more. Keep it in your heart that you will find them one day !
Loving animals is precious. Love is precious. Love and be happy ! L.O.V.E.
I know what you mean about classical music. I also think that goes for any music that is without words and has a meditative aspect to it. I am a massage therapist and I just love playing classical or asian music while I work, it's so relaxing and it's almost as if my movements created the words to the song, much as your paintings create the words to the music you listen to, right? <!-- s:) -->:)<!-- s:) -->
Jacilovesmichael
I never thought of it that way ... that was a beautiful way of saying it. Thank you :=)
I wanted to share something with you all...you may or may not have come across it before. It has always spoken directly to my heart and perhaps (ironically) may explain why most of us have always felt like we were on the 'outside' looking in. Having read all of the posts in this thread, it's clear we do share similar stories...one clear similarity is that we have felt alone and/or that we didn't 'fit' in with the world and people around us. For me, the choice to have few 'friends', and to surround myself with very select people, stems from my experiences in discovering that most people aren't 'real'....and that my 'light' energy quickly evaporates in their presence. I think most of you will relate to this poem/writing (which I have had posted on my fridge for years!) because it speaks to what is truly important, and what so many (unfortunately) miss out on discovering because they are so wrapped up in superficial meaninglessness. Hope you enjoy it!
Wisdom from an Indian Elder
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own;
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers
and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic,
or to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the the story you're telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself;
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty every day,
and if you can source your life from God's presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,
and still stand on the edge of a lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief
and despair, weary and bruised to the bone,
and do what needs to be done for the children.
It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself,
and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
BetheChange - this is wonderful. It's going on the fridge, next to my bed, by my desk, etc.
so I can read it when I get those "I'm feeling different" moods.
What a wonderful gift Michael has given us - each other!!!
I cut off my connection with the "divine creator" a long time ago......if there is any such creator that is. Personally, I have always felt that this creator is a very very utterly confused guy/girl....just like the few of us.
For years I have longed for the right words to explain my situation and today...you used just the right ones......reading your post was comforting--the pain part that is....and also the "mindlessness" and "conformity" of the world is what torments me everyday. <!-- s:evil: -->:evil:<!-- s:evil: -->
Comments
There was so much in your words, and in other's comments, that I could directly relate to...perhaps the most striking similarity is the feeling of not belonging 'here'...with the 'here' being anywhere I've been in my 38 years of life so far. For the longest time, I was able to logically make 'sense' of it by telling myself that I just didn't like my surroundings, or couldn't understand people's actions and/or behaviors, or was just unhappy with my 'lot' in life. Basically, I chalked up the feeling of not belonging 'here' to my having built an unrealistic picture of what I thought the world should be. I accepted that for a long time (or at least was able to tell myself I did)...but for the past few years, that part of me that I had intentionally buried has been making its own comeback lol. The events of June 25th, and everything that has followed, have just accelerated the rebirth that had already started to take shape within me.
I think it was you, Jaci, who commented on each of us having chosen this life that we are each living right now. I remember reading about a theory like this, a very long time ago...a theory that posits that we were, at one point, a spirit form in heaven and we were given 'glimpses and flashes' of different lives that needed to be lived on earth. The theory then goes on to claim that each of us did, in fact, choose this particular time and this particular physical form with its unique circumstances and experiences. Each life choice had its own purpose to fulfill and before making our choice, we each knew that purpose. Those who follow this theory go on to suggest that the 'secret' to life is to remember what that purpose was.
Although I have always liked the 'whimsical' sound to this theory, I can remember many, many times thinking that I must have been an absolute crazy spirit for choosing this life!! Or that I was somehow the brunt of the spirit world's joke....like I was 'punked' (I picked door #3 but ended up a stow-away on a lost ship lol). I, thankfully, have been blessed with being able to laugh at life and God sure knew I would need that ability.
We are all on a spiritual journey, I believe, whether we embrace it or not...whether we understand it or not. And although we each take different paths in getting 'there', I firmly believe that we all end up back to where we started. It is interesting, though, to see some similarities within our own distinct journeys. I, too, had a troubled childhood...I can remember being 6 years old and hating God for allowing me to endure things that no child should ever have to...this went on until the age of 11 and changed the very nature of the little girl I was...it ripped my innocence from my very soul. I wouldn't come to fully understand the impact of the abuse I suffered for several years later (some of which I am still trying to understand). My teenage years are somewhat of a blur because, for the most part, I was too stoned to remember them. I had my first daugther when I was 26 and it was during her delivery that I made my peace with God...long story and hard to explain. But that 'peace' was short-lived...my second daughter was born 12 weeks early and due to lacking oxygen for 20 seconds, has cerebral palsy and faces many challenges. As you can probably see, my own spiritual journey (for lack of a better description) has been an ongoing battle with God. And not just with my own life or with my daughters' challenges, but with the world as a whole.
Despite my anger and frustration towards God over the years, I have never once lost faith in Him nor ever doubted His presence. And, funny enough, as I've gotten older, it is He that I turn to most whenever I am feeling 'lost' (I have many acquaintances in my life...'true' friends I can count on one hand and that is a personal choice). I know that even in those times where it felt the world was crashing down on me that I was never alone...even if I couldn't feel His presence or chose not to. And, man, have I felt alone in this life...like I was always on the outside looking in at a world and people (including family) that I just couldn't make sense of or relate to. I am an Aquarian (or at least I thought I was until someone discovered there are 13 signs lol)....and have always been intuitive to nature and people....yet I have always preferred to love from a distance (give without it being known, help out without looking for credit). I can't begin to remember how many times that has led to me being taken advantage of by people. I can also be extremely stubborn when it comes to things I am most passionate about and I have a deep-rooted sense of fairness, justice and equality. I have learned that this is both my greatest strength and my greatest weakness.
I have always felt that my purpose in life was to teach. Although I took on several other jobs over the years, I could never shake the nagging feeling that I was meant to teach. That is why, at age 33, I returned to school and took on 2 degrees, while juggling work, a home and my own children...all to become a teacher. Now that I am a teacher....that aggitating feeling (that I've had my entire life) has not subsided....I still feel that this is NOT it...I just can't figure out what is! I just can't shake the feeling that I'm meant for so much more...
It's definitely not an easy process, regardless of what one calls it--spiritual awakening, returning 'home', or being a lightworker (which I, too, believe is innate in all beings). It can be a very lonely process involving a lot of soul-searching. I think the 'test' of life...the most important thing, as we encounter the inevitable struggles, is to always come back to our true nature...which is love. No matter what the world throws at you...no matter how many times your heart shatters into pieces...find your way back to the light, to the love. Michael has always been my mentor for that very reason.
Sorry for the long post...all of you in this thread have touched my heart and have allowed me to share a piece of it with you. Thank you.
With L.O.V.E. always.
Then tonight I stumbled on to this particular topic. It is so comforting to know that there are many more like us out there. If this was Michael's purpose, then the riddle for me has been solved. My unexplainable desire to continue to follow this site for so many months now makes sense. Today I was so distraught and was asking for spiritual strength. I took a walk and listened to Michael's "Keep the Faith" and totally surrendered all the fears and doubts I had about where God wants to take me. Tonight I feel like I have my answer. I
hope this thread is continued. I will follow up on the sites listed here. I am excited about hearing more from all of you. Thank you so much. I think what God has for me is bigger than I even imagined.
Oh my goodness you made me cry! I too feel that way about my family. It's so frustrating because, like you, I love them so much! And I get frustrated when they just don't understand me even though I feel I am explaining and presenting myself perfectly.
It's so comforting to know I'm not alone!
I don't know if the rest of you have also noticed that you're blindsided by people's cruelty. I'm extremely naive about man's ability to be cruel and abusive. I don't think that way so I am childlike in anticipating it or dealing with it. I think God has made me be more alert and mature in those situations over the last few years. So I totally understand Michael and the people who took advantage of him.
I have seen a few people post health issues here and one thing that I have noticed is that "our group" tends to have poor immunity issues which manifest in various illnesses. Fortunately, I finally found (or God directed me to) a very good holistic doctor who has addressed both the physical and spiritual needs. Sometimes I think our hyper sensitivity to injustices and evil does cause us to have physical illnesses.
Again, thanks to all of you. God had told me he would provide me with a family, I just need to let go of the one that I have. It isn't a healthy enviornment for me.
Growing in the knowledge of His love--
Yes, yes, and yes! I can relate to everything you just said. It's kind of creepy at times, I feel like I'm reading my own words. I cannot express how much it means to me that others are opening up about being "different", it just warms my soul! Michael is the one who taught us all by example that it's not only okay to be different, it's extraordinary and beautiful!
About the immunity issues, I know exactly what you mean. I used to get sick ALL the time, even though I am very health conscious. Once I found ways to deal with my anxiety and to think of some things in this world a little different, my health improved dramatically. I haven't even had a cold for over 2 years, which is very nice. I think it's great that you found such a wonderful doctor. They are hard to come by, but they are out there.
I too felt so alienated as a child that I actually asked my parents if they had adopted me. Even after they tried to convince me that I was their child and that I was home, I did not believe them and cried myself to sleep many times. At one point it got so bad that I wanted to die.
Very dramatically, I pulled off my blanket at night in the belief that I would freeze to death !! LOLOLOL
I also had that terrible feeling of not being understood. Like I was n`t speaking the same language.
Through my hole life I have come to see friends as more close to me than my own family.
Except for my children
When I had my own children I felt more happy and content. Children are Gods lights !
Today I see these feelings in my childhood as vague remembrances of something far greater.
I also have had spiritual experiences. One major in 95 changed me completely. I won`t go into details but I can say that I literally saw the light. I saw it with my eyes opened and with my eyes closed. So I was going to see that light whether I wanted to or not :=)
That light was so magnificent, bright and loving that I just do not have words to explain it.
The "feeling" that light gave me will always stay with me and always helps me in difficult times.
No one in my family believes me. Maybe they are not supposed to. I truly believe we all awaken when we are ready. I think we each get our own personal "signal" that triggers our souls growth.
I also believe that classical music is a direct portal to the divine spirit. I have been painting a few years. At one point I started to listen to classical music while painting and the quality of the paintings went sky high. (IMO) :=) Classical music to me is my way of meditating.
You can imagine the smile on my face the first time I read that MJ always listened to classical music ! Don`t have to tell me twice ! lol
Anyone else here who can relate to this ?
Finishing this off I just want to say that I have never been the big fan of MJ. I loved his music for the beat... loved to dance to his music but never listened to the words. Until he disappeared that is, wow I never knew Mj was so spiritual and he has now moved me with his words more than any other. MJ is now "all" I listen to ( with some classical in between ).
I would like to thank MJ for all the magnificent music he has given the world and, hopefully, for all the music to come ;=) I am now officially the BIGGEST fan ever !!!
Thank you to all for sharing your stories. This means so much to me, I feel great gratitude !
Love to you all !
Thank you for sharing!! That story about wondering if you were adopted is SO funny! <!-- s
I know what you mean about classical music. I also think that goes for any music that is without words and has a meditative aspect to it. I am a massage therapist and I just love playing classical or asian music while I work, it's so relaxing and it's almost as if my movements created the words to the song, much as your paintings create the words to the music you listen to, right? <!-- s:) -->:)<!-- s:) -->
Thank you for sharing!! That story about wondering if you were adopted is SO funny! <!-- s
I know what you mean about classical music. I also think that goes for any music that is without words and has a meditative aspect to it. I am a massage therapist and I just love playing classical or asian music while I work, it's so relaxing and it's almost as if my movements created the words to the song, much as your paintings create the words to the music you listen to, right? <!-- s:) -->:)<!-- s:) -->
I think Michael did so well because his mother was so spiritual. She truly understood his uniqueness and encouraged it. You can really understand that in the Jackson Family movie. Because she did that, I'm not sure he ever understood until the media painted him as "weird" that he was unique. She created a wonderful cocoon for him. It's just a wonderful parenting story.
I noticed you mentioned that you are a massage therapist. Have you ever worked with children with special needs...primarily high muscle tone, dystonia, etc? I have tired doing some techniques on my daughter but feel I'm either not doing it right or am not doing it enough (but then I worry about over-doing it). Would you be able to offer me any guidance with that? (sorry for being off-topic)
With L.O.V.E. always.
I don't have any clinical experience working with children with special needs (yet!), but I've read quite a bit about dystonia in regards to massage. How old is your daughter and how severe is her condition? Where on her body are the symptoms most bothersome or is it generalized? Does she take any medication for it - pain killers or muscle relaxers? What kind of massage techniques have you tried and what was her response? Have you tried any other treatments at home to help like essential oil baths or exercises? What about her diet, what's it like?
The great thing about massage is that it truly is great for everyone. Of course you'll want to be careful with your child depending on her age and pain tolerance level. If you ever over-do it, she will let you know. Make sure to ask her often while you are massaging if it feels okay. If there is any increased pain than what she is already experiencing, you will want to stop or lessen your pressure. With dystonia, the main intent should be to bring comfort to the individual. That comfort and love in itself is what is going to do the healing. The tense muscles can cause the spirit to go crazy which in turn, can make the body go even crazier. The best thing to do is to regularly do activities that integrates the body and spirit, instead of just the body. That is why massage is a great tool, because while you are touching the body calmingly and lovingly, you are affecting the spirit. The spirit will then be more at ease and the person will find it much easier to deal with the physical pain, even if the pain is not gone. I would highly suggest taking her to an experienced massage therapist if you can afford it, where she can get full body relaxation massages regularly (if she likes it and is comfortable). Children seem to love massage from what I've witnessed so far. And sometimes just knowing that you're getting a massage soon can be relaxing in itself.
Yoga is also a great body-mind technique. Again, it depends how old your daughter is. But even young children can do simple stretches and benefit from them. I used to be a nanny for a toddler. She saw me doing yoga all the time while she was supposed to be sleeping, and eventually I taught her how to do the "down dog" yoga pose. I would say, "do Yoga!" and she would instantly go into that pose, hold it for a few seconds, and then look at me with a huge smile on her face as if to say, "I did it!". Sometimes the simple act of learning and mastering simple excercises like this can make a child's spirit shine.
Also, Lavender is a great oil to use for relaxation. You can put it in the bath along with some epsom salts to calm the muscles, or apply it topically. If nothing else, it may help her sleep better which is great in itself, as sleep is very important for healing the body and spirit.
I hope this helps a little bit! I am more than happy to help in any way that I can. <!-- s:) -->:)<!-- s:) -->
Thanks SO much for your reply. There is a few things more I want to ask you but will pm you instead...I don't want to tie up the thread.
With L.O.V.E. always.
I just can NOT believe it.
What has been posted before is EXACTLY me ! As Jaci said : it's like I'm reading my OWN words. I agree with EVERYTHING posted above. We're the same. WE'RE ALL ONE !
I wanna thank Michael for bringing us together, for his songs, his speeches, his charity work, and most importantly for sharing his LOVE with billions of people around the globe ! I believe it's the most precious thing.
My life has completely changed since the 25th June, and more confidant, spiritual, sensitive. My current situation is like I'm living 2 lives in two different worlds. My own world helps to escape the reality. That's why I refuse to leave those forums no matter what will happen at the end, it's my real home. It's here where I can be 100 % myself. I don't like spending HOURS in front of a cold machine but I didn't that through this cold machine, I'll recieve so much love and support which is something impossible in reality <!-- s
I'm usually unheard, misundertood or ignored <!-- s
I'm 14 yrs old and I feel comfortable with FEW people, I'm totally unlike my classmates. They have something different going on in their minds as popularity, money, sex ... <!-- s:| -->:|<!-- s:| -->
I'm not into that, that's why I don't have friends. I have ONE loyal friend, we know each other since the elementry school and we became close the three last years. This year, we are not in the same class, we meet from time to time only. I didn't make new friends since our separation.
I CAN finally deal with loneliness now.
While writing this post, I was interupted by my mom who was screaming and shouting because I had my cat in the bedroom. I don't care if she doesn't like animals, I do. I don't want my cat out. I NEED this animal's love. I couldn't bear what she was saying <!-- s
Ican't believe I wrote this whole thing <!-- s:shock: -->:shock:<!-- s:shock: -->
You sound like a very sweet and loving young lady. Young at age but an "old and wise soul" !
Good for you not following your classmates and daring to be unique.
I would like to give you an advise if I may. Please do not give up on people. There are so many kind and loving souls out there. You have one friend now and I am sure there will come many more. Keep it in your heart that you will find them one day !
Loving animals is precious. Love is precious. Love and be happy ! L.O.V.E.
much love
Jacilovesmichael
I never thought of it that way ... that was a beautiful way of saying it. Thank you :=)
much love
Wisdom from an Indian Elder
By Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,
without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own;
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers
and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic,
or to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the the story you're telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself;
if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty every day,
and if you can source your life from God's presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,
and still stand on the edge of a lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief
and despair, weary and bruised to the bone,
and do what needs to be done for the children.
It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself,
and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
With L.O.V.E. always.
so I can read it when I get those "I'm feeling different" moods.
What a wonderful gift Michael has given us - each other!!!
@Jaci
For years I have longed for the right words to explain my situation and today...you used just the right ones......reading your post was comforting--the pain part that is....and also the "mindlessness" and "conformity" of the world is what torments me everyday. <!-- s:evil: -->:evil:<!-- s:evil: -->